I Just Can't Live A Lie
by Darley1101
Summary: When Alex gets word that his dad has died, his mom has stopped taking her meds, and his sister is pregnant he doesn't have a clue what he's going to do. So he turns to the one person who has always been there for him: Izzie.
1. Chapter 1

Title: I Just Can't Live A Lie

Author: Darley1101

Rating: Mature Readers Only

Pairing: Alex and Izzie

Secondary Pairings Mentioned: Alex/Lucy, Meredith/Derek, Mark/Lexie, and Callie/Arizona as well as references to Alex/Lexie, Alex/Rebecca, Izzie/George, and Izzie/Denny

Premise: When Alex gets the news that his father has died, his mother has stopped taking her meds, and his seventeen year old sister is pregnant he doesn't have a clue what he's going to do. So he turns to the one person who has always been there for him: his ex-wife Izzie. Between road trips delayed by blizzards, accidental kisses, and late night confessions will these two realize that they're lives are nothing but lies without the other?

Dedication: This story is for all my fellow Alex and Izzie shippers. We might not get to see them on the show but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy them in fan fiction! Author's Note: This first chapter will probably raise a lot of questions. Don't worry, they will all be answered by the end of this story! I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Grey's Anatomy characters nor am I representing any of the businesses mentioned in this story. I also want to be very clear that I do not share Alex's points of view on one night stands, body hair, or mental illness!

Chapter One

_Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal- from a headstone in Ireland_

Dr. Lucy Fields was as annoying in bed as she was out of it. Flat on her back with her feet planted firmly on the mattress was the only way she liked to be fucked and God forbid he try to change things up. If her lack of interest in mixing things up wasn't bad enough, she kept herself "au natural" in the winter months. Alex Karev would give her some credit, she had warned him that she didn't like shaving in the winter. It wasn't entirely Lucy's fault that he had been stunned to find at least a half of an inch of hair on her legs and a thick thatch of course curls between her legs. Nor was it her fault that as he lay next to her all he could think was she wasn't Izzie. Her breasts were too small. Her hair wasn't as soft. Her legs weren't as long. And, damn it, Izzie had shaved…everywhere…no matter what time of year it had been. Muttering a curse under his breath, Alex scrubbed a hand down his face. He really needed to get over his ex; it wasn't normal the way he compared every freaking woman he met to her!

"That was pretty amazing," Lucy gushed. The bed creaked and shifted as she rolled on to her side. She rose up enough to prop herself up on her elbow and smiled down at her. The tight lipped smile she got in response was out of habit, not agreement. What she had thought was amazing he had found boring. That was pretty much the way most of his one night stands went. He'd find someone, bring them home, have a little fun, and end up disappointed. Hot, sweaty sex with a woman who didn't care who he was, just so long as he had a dick. No cuddling. No whispering 'I love you' or talking about the future. Just empty, meaningless sex that he partook in out of habit rather than desire.

Relief shot through him as his cell phone buzzed its way across the nearby night stand. Untangling himself for the sheets, he reached for it, thankful for the distraction. His relief was short lived when the familiar Iowa number flashed across the screen. Taking a deep breath, Alex answered the call, knowing he would regret it. "It's two o'clock in the morning Amber," he grumbled. The sniffling on the other end of the line shot guilt through his veins. It wasn't his sister's fault that their parents had been shitty or that they barely knew each other. He made a mental note to get to know his seventeen and a half year old sister a little better. She was the only family he had that hadn't gone nuts or forgotten he existed.

"I'm sorry. I wouldn't have called except I…I don't know what to do!" The shuddering sob ricocheted across the phone lines, making Alex wish he were near enough to hug her. Whatever had prompted her to call in the middle of the night had to be big. Hell, the last time she had called it had been because Aaron had flipped his lid and tried choking her. "He's dead, Alex. Dad is dead. And mom, well she's not handling it at all. She's refusing to take her meds and won't stop screaming that her life is over. I'm scared. I think she's going to hurt herself."

Ignoring Lucy's questions about what was going on he scrambled into his boxers, quietly telling Amber to calm down. Alex knew the confused woman behind him wanted to know what the hell was going on but he didn't have time for explanations nor did he feel that she deserved one. After all, she was just some mediocre piece of ass that made him miss his ex-wife even more. "Calm down Amber. She isn't going to hurt herself." It was a lie. Alex knew it. Amber knew it. Their mother was bat shit crazy and had tried killing herself on more than one occasion. Years ago she'd been diagnosed as bipolar. It hadn't been a surprise. Alex had figured that out during Freshman psych. Half the time she took her medicine, half the time she didn't. He'd lost track of which ones they had put her on.

"I hate to ask," his sister whispered. Inwardly he groaned. He knew what was coming. She was going to ask him to come to Iowa. "And I wouldn't except I can't do this on my own. Not right now. Not with everything else that's going on. I need help Alex. I need my big brother."

_I need my big brother _was the clincher. How did he say no to that? He didn't. "I'll be there as soon as I can," he sighed, pressing the heel of his hand to his forehead. Mentally he made a list of the people he would need to call before he took off for Cedar Rapids. He'd have to let Meredith know so she didn't worry and, of course, he would have to let Webber know. Probably Arizona and Bailey, too. Everyone else could go to hell.

"Alex," Lucy called his name again, breaking through the haze that had formed around his thoughts. She had wrapped the sheet around her naked body and was sitting on the edge of the bed, her face a mixture of concern and uncertainty. "Is everything okay?"

The worry in her voice was genuine. It would have been easy to tell her what was going on but Lucy was the sort of woman who would need to make it better. She would want to ease his so called pain. And then she would expect a bond. He didn't form bonds. Not anymore. Not since…his thoughts hesitated before admitting that he hadn't formed a bond since Izzie. He had come close with Lexie, but that had been more of a friendship bond. Lucy didn't want friendship. She wanted a picket fence, babies, and a ring. A one night stand was all he had to offer. "My little sister," he answered finally. "Having a crisis."

"Oh." Lucy hesitated, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. "It sounded like she was worried someone was going to hurt themselves."

"Teenage girls," he joked, his gut twisting. God, he hoped his mom didn't do anything stupid. The last time they had seen Michael Karev, his mom had flipped her lid. She had said she couldn't go on without him and sliced her wrists to shreds. With the old man dead there was no telling what she would do.

"Right," Lucy said slowly. "Teenage girls. They're emotional wrecks who like attention. Nothing better than attempted suicide to get someone's attention. You shouldn't brush your sister's concerns about her friend aside."

Great. Advice and a lecture. He didn't need either. Not from her. "I'm not brushing her aside." Turning his back on her once again he tugged a long sleeved shirt on, the twisting in his gut magnifying as he silently agreed that most attempted suicides were a cry for attention. In his mother's case she wanted the attention of a monster who liked to beat her instead of love her. With the monster dead who knew how far she would take things. "This was…fun…but I've got places to be."

"At two o'clock in them morning?"

The shock on her pretty face was comical. Another time Alex would have educated her on what sort of man he was. He didn't have that luxury. Not tonight. Tonight she would just have to take the hint. "High demand," he joked, throwing her a wink over his shoulder as he shoved his feet into his battered combat boots and grabbed his jacket. Thank God they had gone back to her place. Kicking her out of Meredith's would have been a disaster. He shrugged off the names she was spitting at his retreating form and focused on what the hell he was going to do. By the time he reached his car he had a loose plan in place. Take a leave of absence and drive to Iowa. What other choice did he have? None. Amber needed him. And he needed to see the bastard that had been his father buried. Not out of love or respect but out of need to be sure the monster really was gone.

The reality of it sunk in as he sat behind the wheel of his car, letting the engine warm before he took off. His father was dead. Hands shaking he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and pulled up Izzie's number and selected the blank text message option. Before he could stop himself he typed in the words My dad died and hit send. A moment later he got a reply. His heart skipped a beat as he read the question Are you okay? He didn't know how to answer so he replied with another question: Why wouldn't I be?

Muttering a curse at his stupidity in texting his ex-wife, Alex threw his phone in the backseat and gripped the steering wheel. It was only two o'clock. Joe's would still be open for another hour. Without allowing himself to think or feel he sped through the night toward the one place he knew he could drown his sorrows. Good ole Joe's. Since day one in Seattle that had been his go to place. Always good for a laugh, a shoulder to lean on, a drink, and a piece of ass. Who knew, maybe he would get lucky twice in one night. Or not, he thought with a grimace. There had been a time in his life when sleeping with two women in one night was acceptable; hell there had even been a couple times when he'd had both women in bed at the same time. At thirty-three he was too old for that stupidity. Truthfully, he was too old for the stupidity of all the one night stands he engaged in. Any time he tried to think about how many women he'd been with he ended up sick; he never could remember an accurate number past thirty-six.

"You look like shit Karev," Walter greeted, slamming his favorite beer down before he could even let the door slam shut behind him. They knew him so well.

"I feel like shit," he admitted, settling on to his usual bar stool. He didn't allow himself to think about the fact that it was the same stool Izzie had been sitting on when he first kissed her. Thoughts like that were best left alone. Just like the new message that was in his inbox. No way was he looking at it. Texting her had been a mistake. In a day or so he would reply, tell her everything was taken care of and he was fine. Or maybe he could talk Meredith into it. He would worry about it later. Right now he just wanted to drink until he couldn't think or feel and then have Walter call him a cab.

"You don't send texts like that and then disappear," a familiar voice hissed in his ear. The stool next to him squeaked as Izzie slid on to it. He wasn't going to look at her. If he ignored her enough she would go away. "Seriously, Alex, you can't just…"

"Just…what? Not respond to a text? You should know how easy that is." It was a low blow. One he instantly regretted. For two reasons; one it really had been low and two it made him look at her. Her beautiful face was twisted in a hurt, sad expression that tugged at his heart. She had no business making his heart feel anything.

"Go ahead. Act like an ass. You forget, I know what a put on that is." Her long, slender fingers reached out and wrapped around his beer. She took a sip before setting it back down. "You smell like cheap perfume."

"Yeah. She was a little on the cheap side. Didn't even have to buy her dinner." The joke didn't make him feel better or cause Izzie to look at him with disgust. All that was etched on her face was sadness and pity. The sadness seemed comfortable there, he noticed, as though it had been there for a while.

"Why do you do that?" She shook her head, tendrils of golden blonde hair escaping her ponytail. Her hair had grown at least eight inches since the last time he'd seen her. She had lost at least ten pounds to, he noticed. "You told me to stay out of your life because you deserved more than someone who walked away. Yet you intentionally screw yourself out of having any type of relationship with any woman by screwing around with as many skanks as you can find."

Anger surged through him. She was right. He had told her to leave, to stay away from him, so he could find someone who would stick around. Instead he fucked as many skanks as he could. Except, Lucy and Lexie hadn't been skanks. The med student hadn't been either. "Lucy isn't a skank. She's a doctor. Looks a little like you if I squint my eyes and keep the lights off." Damn it. Why had he said that?

"I don't care about her or any other woman you've been with. The person I care about is you and right now, whether you admit it or not, you need that. You need someone who cares."

Alex felt his heart clench in pain. Why was she there? He hadn't asked her to come. Hell, he hadn't even told her where he was. "How did you know I was here?"

"Where else do you go when things get shitty?" She had him there. When life got bad he went to Joe's. It was a little comforting having her remember that.

"My sister wants me to go to Iowa," he said after a pregnant pause. "Says our mom is acting nuts again. Threatening to kill herself." Wrinkling up his brow, he stared down at the scarred wood of the bar. Some of the markings were from drunken idiots dragging their cups across the surface, but some were intentional, like the A+I he had carved at least a year and a half ago. "I was out there six months ago to commit my baby brother for trying to choke our little sister. Now I have to go back out there to bury my dad and probably commit my mother." A bitter laugh escaped his lips as he looked at her with burning eyes. "Guess you got out while the getting was good."

The sadness on her face increased as she laid a soft hand on his forearm. For a moment everything seemed okay. She wasn't his ex-wife but his old friend, the friend that was there no matter what. He hated that it was only an illusion, that soon Walter would close the bar and he would go to Meredith's to pack and she would go to wherever it was she lived now. "I didn't leave because of your family Alex." She stared at him for a moment, as though she was trying to determine whether or not to tell him why she left. He wanted to know. More than anything he wanted to know why she had walked out on their marriage. It hadn't been perfect but it had been their's and they could have had a great life together. The burning in his eyes increased and he muttered a curse as a lone tear slipped down his cheek. "When do you plan on leaving?"

"Soon as I pack my stuff," he admitted. Her fingers inched down his arm, leaving a trail of comforting heat in their wake. She grabbed his hand and held tight, reminding him again of the life they could have had. A lump of emotion formed in his throat. If things had been different she would be going with him, helping him deal with the shit his family put him through. "Wanna come?" He asked the question as an off handed joke, knowing she would say no.

"Let me make a few phone calls," she murmured, squeezing his hand again. He stared at her, startled. "Don't look so surprised. If things had been different…" her voice trailed off and her chest heaved as she inhaled deeply. "You were there for me when I needed you. You made what could have been the last months of my life special and amazing."

The stool squeaked again as she slid off. Her body brushed against his as she leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek before disappearing out the door. It went unspoken that she would meet him at Meredith's, just as it went unspoken that he was relieved that he wouldn't have to go alone. There would be plenty of time to voice any questions he had about why she left or why she had shown up to comfort him or why she was going. All that mattered at that moment was he didn't have to go alone and he was going with someone who knew the score.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: I am eternally grateful for your continued support and readership. It not only inspires me to write, it reminds me that I am not alone in missing Alex and Izzie. There will be a few rough spots in this story but then again what story is good without a few rough spots? I hope you enjoy! In regards to a few confusing reviews I want to point out that Alex did not go to Izzie and she didn't get over everything that happened between them. I could explain that second one in detail but won't. The answer is in this chapter. I will say this, the story takes place near Christmas 2011, which means they have been divorced for a year. For those who are interested in this sort of thing, I listened to Chasing Pavements by Adele.

Chapter Two

_We can do no great things; only small things with great love - Mother Theresa_

Silence wrapped itself around Izzie as she sat on the floor of her closet, staring up at the neatly hung clothes. There was plenty of black and several dresses that were perfect for a funeral; the question was what did one wear to their psychotic ex-father in law's burial? An even bigger question, she mused, was why the hell was she going? The answer was simple. She was a weak-willed, soft-hearted, still loved her ex-husband, first class idiot. That was why she had driven like a bat out of hell to Joe's when he didn't answer his last text and why she had told him she would go with him to Iowa. Regardless of how their marriage had ended, Alex had been there for her during a time when most men would have ran. He had made what could have been the last months of her life amazing. Because of him she'd had her dream wedding. Because of him she had a chance at motherhood. Going to Iowa to help him bury his asshole of a father was the least she could do.

Letting out a sigh, Izzie reached forward to trail her fingers over the hem of a long sleeved black cashmere sweater dress she had modeled for Banana Republic. Paired with some thick black tights and some dressy boots it would work. There wasn't much damage that could be done to it in a suitcase. Another sigh breathed past her slightly parted lips as she forced herself to stand up. She had been sitting there at least twenty minutes. That was twenty minutes too long. It would take her at least thirty minutes to get to Meredith's; which meant she didn't have much time if she wanted to keep within the hour timeframe she had promised Alex.

"You're such a sucker," she muttered as she tossed a standard sized black leather suitcase on her bed. She still couldn't believe she had offered to do this. A glutton for punishment, that was what she was. Driving half-way across the country with a man who had told her to stay out of his life. _Goes back to being a weak-willed, soft-hearted, first class idiot when it comes to Alex Karev_, she thought as she neatly folded the outfit she had decided on for the funeral. For good measure she added a pair of black slacks and a blouse she knew wouldn't wrinkle, as well as a couple pairs of a jeans, some sweaters, and, at the last minute, some of her sexier underwear. She told herself it wasn't for Alex. She just liked the way the silk and lace felt against her skin. Plus, her mother had taught her to always pack her best panties when she was going on a trip where there would be people she didn't know. The why of it was lost on Izzie and usually she didn't follow the rule. This time was an exception. If for some reason Alex seen the contents of her suitcase she wasn't going to let him see the frumpy granny panties she'd been wearing lately.

The high pitched ring of her cell phone startled her as she fought to zip the over stuffed suitcase. Over packing was another trait her mom had instilled; you never know what you might need so pack a little of everything. She hadn't packed everything but close enough. She gave up on the zipper as she reached for her phone. As she suspected it was Alex. Having him call felt a little weird. They hadn't talked since he told her to stay out of his life. "Almost ready," she panted as she answered the phone. God help him if he told her she didn't need to come. Whether Alex Karev liked it or not she was going with him. This was something she needed to do; she could feel that down to her bones.

"Want me to just come get you?"

The question surprised her a bit. It shouldn't have as it was a logical suggestion. It would save her a trip across town and him the wait. "Sure. I'm just off eighty-second street. The Little Madrid apartments." She winced as he started lecturing her about the neighborhood and asking if she had a dead bolt. "Yes, I have a deadbolt! And seriously, Alex, the neighborhood isn't that bad. A little old and run down but not bad." Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Izzie propped the phone against her shoulder and finagled the suitcase's zipper closed. She muttered a curse under her breath as she hauled the luggage toward her front door. Knowing Alex he had called half-way to Tacoma. Fifteen minutes later, he proved her right by knocking on her door.

"You shouldn't just open the door without finding out whose there."

Another lecture? Izzie thought about reminding him that they were no longer married, hell they weren't even friends. He didn't have the right to question her living arrangements or tell her how she should or shouldn't answer the door. "I knew it was you, Alex." Without listening to the rest of his grumbling about her apartment she shrugged into her navy blue Northface jacket and grabbed the bag of snacks she had packed when she first came home. She would leave the luxury of hauling out her suitcase to Alex. "Do you want me to drive? I've spent the last twelve hours sleeping so I should be good to go for a while."

"Twelve hours? Lucky you." With little effort, he lift her suitcase and walked out the door without answering her. It was typical Alex. Lucky for him she understood how he worked, how he thought. She would be the one driving because he hadn't had much sleep. A painful jolt stabbed her heart as she thought about one of the reasons he hadn't had much sleep. Her name had been Lucy and she was a doctor, not a skank. Izzie hated when there was a name to the faceless sluts Alex bedded. Her throat tightened as she followed him out, pausing only to make sure the locks on her door were secure. When she had agreed to staying out his life it had been so he could have a shot at happiness. That was what he had said he wanted; to be free to find a woman who could love him and stick around. She had the love part down pat, it was the sticking around part she had trouble with. It was hard to stay when she knew he was with her out of pity. If she hadn't gotten sick he wouldn't have married her. How did she stay when she knew something like that?

"Here." Alex turned to hand her the keys to his car. Their fingers brushed, sending a jolt of electricity up her arm. The electricity made her long for the past; when he would trail his fingers up and down her arm while staring into her eyes and telling her he loved her. If she closed her eyes she could almost still hear him. "You sure you're good to drive? You're looking a little spaced out."

Blinking, Izzie brushed off thoughts of the past. What good was there in wishing for things that couldn't be? It was better to stay in the here and now. "Sorry. Was just thinking." She closed her fingers around the key chain, a little surprised that he still used the tarnished letter I key chain she had given him as a joke. She wanted to ask him why he had kept it but decided not to. The answer would probably disappoint her. Most likely he had forgotten he had it or was just too lazy to change it out.

"Do I want to ask?"

Wrinkling her brow, Izzie asked what he meant and then started laughing when he said her thoughts, did he want to ask what her thoughts had been. "Probably not," she answered truthfully. The last thing she wanted was him to pity her…again. She had more self respect than that. At least she hoped she did. "Just…wishful thinking." The words came out sounding sadder than she meant for them to. If Alex noticed he didn't say. He silently shoved her suitcase into the back and then settled into the front passenger seat. Izzie fought back a sigh as she slid behind the wheel of a car she knew all to well. She was going to use this trip to either get over Alex or win him back. Those were her only two options because living the way she had lived since the divorce wasn't working.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** I am sitting here in a sort of stunned trance. All these reviews are blowing my mind! You are all amazing. Simply amazing! One of you made mention of them being divorced 2 years if it is now close to Christmas 2011. It wouldn't be two years but 18 months. If we are counting when Izzie left then yes it would be two years but they didn't get divorced right away. Hope that clears things up!

**Chapter Three**

_Sometimes you put up walls not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to break them down. _

The sudden burst of obscenely loud music startled Alex from the dreamless sleep his body had succumbed to around Spokane. Using the tips of his fingers to rub the grit from his eyes he tried to ignore the obnoxious sound of Taylor Swift singing about someone being the best thing that had ever been her's. Every so often Izzie's off key voice would join in, causing him to quirk up a brow. Since when did she like country music? It had to be a new development because in the years he knew her she hated the stuff. On more than one occasion they had made fun of the twangy done me wrong songs that played on the Country stations. "What the hell are you listening to," he grumbled as he shifted around, trying to get comfortable. Through blurry eyes he looked at the digital clock on the dashboard. Almost ten. Shit. He had slept longer than he intended and Izzie had to be tired of driving.

"Morning to you too," teased Izzie. Her gaze darted off the road long enough for her to shoot him an amused look. There were dark circles under her eyes and most of her hair had come out of the ponytail it had been gathered in. She still looked beautiful to him though. Even bald and sick with cancer she had been beautiful to him. He wondered if the day would come when she stopped being so damn gorgeous it hurt him to look at her. Or maybe what he really wanted was for the day to come when he didn't have to lie about not loving her. He had gotten pretty good at it. Going out every night, pretending that he enjoyed going home with strange women. It was an empty life though and more often than not it made him miss the life he'd had with Izzie even more.

"Where are we?" It was easier to ask a generic question than let himself think about how great it was to be near her again. Sitting in the close proximity of the car made him all to aware of her presence. He longed to reach across the seat, to grab her hand and twine their fingers together. Or stretch his arm across the back of her shoulders. Anything to just touch her. Impossible wishes though. They were divorced and if that wasn't enough of a reason, her knowing that he'd fucked Lucy was. Erasing that knowledge wasn't as simple as washing away the other woman's scent with a quick shower. He'd seen the hurt in Izzie's eyes, had heard the pain in her voice when she reminded him of his request: that she stay out of his life so he could find someone who would stick around. Only he hadn't found anyone. Lexie had never been his, and the others…well they were just sluts he picked up and used.

"We're about ten miles outside of Missoula, Montana. I was thinking we could stop for gas, stretch our legs a bit, maybe get something to eat." The weariness in her voice, as well as the yawn she tried to resist, made him feel guilty for letting her drive the stretch she had driven. Seven hours straight was a bit much for one person. "And then, if you don't mind, I'm going to let you drive a bit. Need to catch a couple z's myself."

"You didn't sleep twelve hours straight did you?" When she didn't answer he muttered a curse. He should have known better than to of believed her. "How long has been since you slept?"

"We're doctors Alex. Our bodies are use to going without sleep." Typical of her to avoid answering the question. When he called her on it she scowled. "Fine. When you text me I had just gotten off work. That's why I was able to get to Joe's as fast as I did."

Raising both brows, Alex studied her for a moment, sorting through what she had said. "Where, exactly, is work? You take that job at Tacoma?" It was a fair question.

"No. I live there because rent is cheaper. I'm working at Seattle Presbyterian. They made a better offer and I accepted." This time she didn't bother fighting the yawn that rounded her lips. "Believe it or not, I'm working in PEDS. Not where I pictured myself but most of the kids we get there don't have anyone to fight for them."

"And you fight for them," Alex finished. It was a little laughable that they were both working in pediatrics. Who would have thought it? Would they have found their way to PEDS if they had stayed together? He didn't want to think that they would because it would add another what if they had stayed together dimension; a dimension where they had their own practice when their residencies were done. "What do you plan on doing when your residency is up?" It was nice, safe question.

"You know, I'm not sure. Presbyterian's dropped hints they might hire me but I want to keep my options open, you know?" There was more she wasn't saying. He wanted to push but knew it wouldn't do any good. Izzie was a master at keeping things to herself when she wanted to. "Webber called me," she said after a while, her voice quiet. "It would seem that they're going to have an opening in their pediatric oncology department."

The PEDS made more sense now. Who better to fight for cancer stricken kids than someone who had been through it? What didn't make sense was Webber calling Izzie about an opening he hadn't even heard about yet. She wouldn't take it and he was the reason why. Swallowing in hopes of wetting his suddenly dry mouth, Alex worked up the courage to do the right thing. "If you want to take it, you should."

"We have an agreement," Izzie reminded quietly, her fingers visibly tightening on the steering wheel. She wanted that job, he could feel it. She wasn't going to take it though because she was honoring his request that she stay out of his life and Seattle Grace-Mercy West was a huge part of his life. It would continue to be even after his residency because Webber had already signed him as an attending.

"Iz, if you want the freaking job, take it!" Irritation shot through him as he thought about how thoroughly Izzie had honored his request. When he had been shot he had been sure she would come see him. He didn't know if he would have allowed her in the room or not but it would have been nice if she had at least tried. She hadn't. She hadn't even called to check on him.

"I'm not sure that would be such a good idea." The sadness that seemed a permanent fixture in her eyes had crept into her voice. In another time he would have pressed her for why she was so sad and lonely. The how and why wasn't his concern anymore. Plus he had this horrible feeling he had a great deal to do with why his ex-wife looked perpetually depressed and that wasn't an easy pill to swallow. He didn't want to be the reason she was sad. There was something in him, etched into his soul, that made him want to make her smile. That wasn't his job anymore, he reminded himself.

"Iz," he said gently, "if you want to take the job I would be fine with it." He probably wouldn't be but like everything else that bothered him he would push through it. Shit. Who was he kidding? If Izzie came to work at Seattle Grace-Mercy West he would have to quit. He didn't think he could work with her and not have her. It would be torture. Even worse torture than being in a car with her for hours at a time.

"How about I say I'll consider it and we change the topic to where do you want to eat?" The cheeriness in her voice was a put on but he let it slide. Mainly because he was starving and he could see a truck stop ahead that advertised a McDonald's inside. It would probably be their best bet. One stop for gas, stretching and food. He nodded toward it and almost chuckled when she slowed the car enough to turn into the parking lot. They had always been good at knowing what the other person was thinking or meaning. His good humor slipped though as he reminded himself, probably for the thousandth time, that Izzie and he were no longer a couple. They were divorced for a very good reason. Except those reasons suck, he thought.

The moment the engine shut off, Alex bolted from the car. He hadn't been aware of how cramped his body was until the idea of stretching entered his mind. It would have been nice to have had the time to jog or do something other than twist around, trying to work out the kinks, but they were on a time crunch. The way it was they wouldn't reach Cedar Rapids until tomorrow. Shit. Double shit. That meant at some point they would probably have to stop for the night. "Uh, Iz, we're going to have to stop at some point. You know, for the night."

"I know," she snapped, her lithe body a tense rod as she waited for him next to the truck stop entrance. "We're adults Alex. We can handle sharing a hotel room." She reached up and tugged a black rubber band from her hair and shook the mess of golden blonde curls loose before gathering back up into another ponytail.

She was right. They were adults. They could handle sharing a room. They would just request one that had two beds. Piece of cake. Nothing to worry about. "Sioux Falls is another fifteen hours. Think you can make it that long?" The only response he got was a shrug as she walked into the fast food side of the truck stop. He stood there for a moment, trying to sort through the oddity that was the last ten hours of his life. At this time yesterday morning he had been flirting like crazy with Lucy, thinking it wouldn't get him anywhere. He'd been flirting with her for six months and she shot him down every time. Yesterday had been different though. She flirted back and then asked if he wanted to hang out after work. He didn't know if she had planned on them going back to her place and having sex or if it just happened. Probably the latter, he thought. When they'd met up she had been miserable looking. Looking back, he should have at least asked her what was wrong.

"Here." A warm, brown paper bag was thrust into hands, clearing all thoughts of yesterday from his mind. He looked down at the bag and knew what it contained: some mini cinnamon rolls and some apple slices. A sad smile tipped his lips. Izzie knew him so well. He muttered a thank you before asking why she hadn't eaten inside. "We don't have a lot time. Figured we could eat on the road."

"What about gas?" Digging through the bag, he pulled out one of the burritos, unwrapped it, and took a bite. The taste of egg, sausage, and tortilla exploded in his mouth. "Are we getting here or going further up the road?"

"We'll get it here. You're pumping." She yawned and then smiled sleepily before climbing back into the car. This time she commandeered the passenger side. He watched as she situated herself, balled up her jacket as a pillow, and then closed her eyes. It would have made more sense to get in the car, to drive over to the gas pumps, and fill the car up. Sense had a way of making itself scarce whenever he was around her. He reached out, pressed the palm of his hand against the window and trailed his fingers across the glass nearest her cheek. It hit him then, how badly he had fucked up. He had been a fool, thinking that he could be happy without her. Happiness was Izzie. At least it was for him. The thing was, did he deserve happiness? Did he deserve her? Probably not but he wanted happiness just the same.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note****: **Over 100 reviews and we're only three chapters into the story. These first couple chapters have been set up. Alex getting the news, Izzie's side being shown, and the start of the trip. We're about to hit a turning point with this chapter. Some pretty big things are revealed. Things that are going to make our favorite couple think about things from the other's perspective. Something they should have done all along. There is something HUGE that occurs in this chapter. Some of you probably were not expecting it until toward the end. Tee hee. You thought wrong! I also know there are some people saying this story is too much like my last one. I promise you, this is nothing like The Only Exception. Far from it. I think this chapter alone proves that!

**Side note****: **Alex wasn't thinking about Lucy. He was thinking about how drastically his life had changed in the past twenty four hours. I thought it was fairly clear that was what he was doing but some of you seemed confused. Don't read more into it. He really was just thinking about how his life had taken a major twist.

**Chapter Four**

_No one can lie, no one can hide anything, when he looks directly into someone's eyes - Paulo Coelho_

I-90 seemed to stretch forever. A straight shot between Missoula, Montana to Sioux Falls, South Dakota, it mostly consisted of trees, with a few towns and parks thrown in to break up the monotony. It was more scenic than some highways, but Alex barely noticed. For the past five hours he had done nothing but think. Marriage. Divorce. What might have been. What could be? They were all a jumbled mess of thoughts that needed to be sorted out. There were so many things he wanted to ask Izzie about but didn't know how. The biggest question that weighed on his mind was why had she left to begin with. Losing her job and thinking he had something to do with it was just an excuse. Wasn't it? Man, he hated all these damn questions. He needed some answers. Which meant working up the courage to corner Izzie and make her talk.

An unintelligible mumble pierced through his thoughts, alerting him to the fact that she was finally starting to wake up. She had slept through him pumping gas and stopping for a drink. At first he had been worried. He'd never seen her sleep that hard. The gentle rise and fall of her chest combined with what she had said about coming to find him straight from work had kept most of his worry in check. If Seattle Presbyterian was anything like Seattle Grace-Mercy West they worked close to twenty hours, sometimes without a break. "What time is it," she moaned, shifting her body into a sitting positioned.

"Almost time to stop for more gas," he teased. It was only a partial joke; he really did need to stop for more gas. They would probably find something to eat as well. Something other than fast food, he decided as his stomach grumbled. He'd polished off the contents of the McDonald's bag, as well as the cookies and muffins Izzie had brought along. "Might want to do something with your hair before we stop. I'm not taking you anywhere looking like that."

"Like what?" Izzie hissed, working her body forward just enough to peer in the rear view mirror. A gasp breathed past her lips as she seen the matted mess that was her hair. "Great. Just great. I don't have a brush in my purse either." Her eyes narrowed slightly before she popped open the glove box. A small smile tipped the corners of her lips as she pulled out his old baseball cap. Figured she would remember it was in there, he thought with a silent laugh. She managed to stuff most of the mass of tangled hair under it, with only a few strands framing her face. "Problem solved."

"Don't you think you should ask first?" The only answer he got was a snort and her sticking her tongue out. "I think we should talk," he said after a moment of silence. His heart started racing as she quietly agreed. "Why didn't you call when you heard I got shot?"

"Wow. Starting with the heavy guns. Okay." Izzie nodded, her face a stoic mask he couldn't read. It was probably a good thing. Hearing what she had to say would be hard enough. "You told me to stay out of your life. That you wanted me to leave and move on. You asked me to let you move on. Give you a chance at finding someone else. Someone who deserved you." The tone of her voice was heartbreaking and for the first time he heard his words as she might have heard them. A man telling his wife they were over because he wanted someone better. That hadn't been what he meant at all. He had been trying to protect himself. He'd even gone as far as talking himself into thinking he could have a relationship with Lexie Grey. "I wanted to be there so bad. To make sure you were okay but I didn't want to come between you and Lexie and Cristina promised me you were alright."

"You and Cristina talk?" That shouldn't have been what he focused on. It was just surprising to hear that she kept in touch with Cristina and the other woman had never once let on. It felt like a betrayal when it shouldn't have. Cristina and he weren't exactly friends, where as Cristina and Izzie had grown close during Izzie's illness.

"Yeah. Talk. Text. Email. Most of the time it's about medical stuff but sometimes we talk about personal stuff." Her body shifted around again as she maneuvered herself so that she faced her. "What happened with you and Lexie?"

The good ole change the subject, move the focus of her ploy. He could have ignored the question and asked one of her his own but thought better of it. She had been honest. He could do the same. His answer would be more explosive though. "She wasn't you."

"That's it? She wasn't me? You cheated on me with her and things didn't work out because she wasn't me? Seriously?" The shocked anger in Izzie's voice made him flinch. She had every right to outraged. If he had been her he would have been pissed as well. From her stand point it was as though he had betrayed their marriage vows for nothing. And he had. He realized that now. There wasn't any explanation good enough for what he had done. "You're an asshole. A selfish asshole! I left because I…" She stopped. Again. It was fucking bull shit. Tease Alex with what he wanted to know most. Dangle it in front of him and then yank it away.

"You left because…what? You weren't dying anymore?" There was no stopping the venom in his voice. He didn't care. She fucking owed him an explanation! "Is that Iz? I was good enough to marry when you didn't think you were going to live but once you found out you weren't going to die it was time to move on to someone better right? Someone more like that loser Duquette?" He couldn't bring himself to throw George's name in the mix. O'Malley had been his friend too. Maybe not a great friend. Maybe not even a friend really but he had respected the hell out of the other guy and he wasn't going to deface his memory. Duquette was another story. If there was one thing Alex knew it was how to spot a fraud and Duquette had been a fraud. He had used his illness to manipulate Izzie into caring about him.

"Shut up! Just shut the hell up!" The confines of the car echoed with her scream. He didn't have to look at her to know her cheeks were flushed and her fists clenched. "I married you because I loved you! I wanted to spend whatever life I had left with the man I loved." She fell silent again, her breathing ragged. "I remember what you said before I flatlined. That you shouldn't have married me. That you married me because I was sick. I didn't want to believe it because…I just…I wanted you to be my husband. I wanted us to have a future. Only you didn't seem to want the same thing. You acted so different toward me. Barely touching me. Not wanting to have our own place. Telling Webber I wasn't a good doctor anymore. It was like you wanted out so…I gave you an out."

"What do you mean you gave me an out? I didn't want out Iz." He paused, trying to gather his thoughts. "I never meant to treat you different. It was just scary, okay? Watching you go through that and then watching you die. It scared the shit out of me. Hell, loving you scares the shit out of me." Scowling when he realized what he had said, Alex clamped his mouth shut and prayed she didn't notice that he had said loves, not loved. He didn't know what to do with the feelings or how he felt about still having them. They had always lingered, right beneath the surface, but he had had control of them. With her there beside them, telling him she had left because she had thought he didn't love her, stirred everything up. It made what he thought he knew into a bigger mess than the original one he had been dealing with.

Relief shot through him as the familiar buzz of his phone filled the otherwise silent car. He didn't know who was calling but they were a welcome distraction. He guided the car into the nearby parking lot of some local barbeque place that would probably work for dinner. Fumbling with his phone, he checked to see who the missed call was from. His sister. There was also a text from Meredith about Lucy wanting to know where he was, what was going on, and should she, Meredith, say anything. He dealt with the text first. Annoyance shot through him as he told her to tell Lucy she was a one night stand and Alex's whereabouts didn't concern her. He had no doubt Meredith would put it just like that to the other doctor and he also chuckled thinking about the look that would probably be on Lucy's face. She was one mistake he wish he hadn't made.

"Alex," Amber sniffled when he was able to get someone to pick up at his mom's house. "Please tell me you're on my way!"

"I'm in Billings, Montana. We'll be there sometime tomorrow morning." Using his thumb and index finger, he pinched the skin between his brows and closed his eyes. While silently told himself to remain calm he listened as Amber sobbed on and on about how crazy their mother was acting. Crazy Mary Karev. The neighbors had already called the police once because Mary had run outside half naked and screaming in the middle of the night. "Have you tried getting her to take her meds?"

"She won't take them! And the one time I tried to force her she shoved me. I'm not doing that again. I don't want her to hurt the baby."

Baby? What the hell? "What baby Amber?" He bit the question out, knowing he wouldn't like the answer. His temper exploded, along with a stream of curse words, as his sister dropped the bomb that she was five and a half months pregnant.

"Give me the phone," Izzie demanded, yanking the phone from his hand before he could protest. He smacked his palm against the steering wheel, setting off the horn. A few patrons of the barbeque place stared. He flipped them off. Sorry, nosy bastards.

"Amber? Hi. This is Izzie." An odd look crossed her face as she unbuckled her seatbelt and reached down for her purse. "Yeah. The ex-wife Izzie." She motioned for him to exit the car as she opened her door. "I don't want you asking your mom to take her medicine again. You have to put your baby's safety first. Is she eating? Good. I want you to grind up her pills and sprinkle it in her food. No. You can't put it in her drink because she'll notice. If she'll eat applesauce or pudding those work best. Just make sure she eats the whole thing."

Leaning her backside against the trunk of the car, Izzie listened to Alex's teenage sister alternate between crying and babbling about not knowing what to do. She knew that feeling all to well. Over twelve years ago she had been in Amber's place. Her father had just died, her mother had lost it, and some boy had sweet talked her out of her panties. Two months after her father's funeral she had found out she was pregnant. The moment that test turned positive was the worse moment of her life. People had understood her grief over her father's death. They hadn't understood how a fifteen year old girl hadn't known better than to get pregnant. If she had been someone other than a waitress' daughter in the trailer park they might have had more sympathy. To them she was a foolish bit of trash. Her heart ached thinking about the misery Amber had to be going through. Times had changed but they hadn't changed that much. Her young, ex-sister in law didn't come from a family that had the clout to make everything seem okay. "You'll get through this," she said in a firm voice. Amber would get through it. All of it. Her father's death. Her mother's break down. Alex's anger. The nastiness of the people in the town where she lived. Having a baby her senior year of high school. Amber would get through it. If Alex couldn't get over his anger long enough to see to that then Izzie would cross a few lines and make sure of it herself.

"How?" Amber demanded, her young voice sounding so broken it made Izzie's heart ache even worse. "How do I get through this? It's like everything is crashing down around me. Aaron going nuts. Dad dying. Mom losing it…again. This baby. I can't deal with all this Izzie. I just can't. I'm suppose to be picking out a prom dress, not planning a funeral or figuring out how I'm going to go to college and have a kid. And I can't count on Alex. I mean, I can but I can't. It's like I can count on him on his terms when he wants to be there but the rest of the time…forget it. I'm on my own."

"You're not on your own. And you can count on Alex more than you realize. Trust me, when things are bad Alex is the guy you want in your corner." Licking her lips, Izzie glanced in Alex's direction. From the devastated look on his face he understood what was being said on the other line. Moving away from the car, Izzie grabbed his hand. She twined her fingers through his, relishing the rightness of it, and squeezed. He would take it personally when it shouldn't be. Amber was a scared kid going through adult things and at the moment she was alone. "Don't let them pressure you into planning the funeral. You tell them your brother and sister in law are on their way and that they're going to take care things. Remind them that you're only seventeen."

"Can I see the phone?" Alex quietly. Izzie nodded, told Amber a quick goodbye, and handed the phone to Alex. A sense of calm swept over her as she listened to him tell his sister he was sorry for not being there more, that he would try harder. She knew him. He would try. She hoped for Amber's sake he succeeded.

"I wanted you to come after me," she said softly once he had hung up. The confused look on his face tipped the corners of her lips in a sad smile. "When I left. I wanted you to come after me. I thought if you came after me then I was wrong. That you married me because you loved me, not because I was dying."

An odd, painful thumping started in her heart as his lips parted and the words she dreaded the most came out. "You were right. I married you because we all thought you were dying. Meredith and I thought you deserved to be bride."

A lump formed in her throat. She had known. Deep down she had known that was why Alex had married her. And that was why she had left. Nobody wanted to be in a marriage of pity. "What good is being a bride if you don't get to be a wife?"

"You were a wife! My wife! And you left. You use to go on and on about me talking to you but what about you, huh? What about you talking to me? What about you asking me why I married you?" His was low but not so low she didn't pick up on the under currents of anger that simmered there. He was angry. So what. So was she. Her love had been used against her. Oh sure they had done it for her, but she hadn't asked them to. And maybe she should have said no but she had loved him. She had needed something to live for and being Alex's wife had been that something.

"Because I didn't want to hear you say you married me out of pity okay?" Reaching up she wiped at a tear that had worked its way loose from her eye. "You know what, let's not fight about this? It's the past. Over. Done. We're divorced. Time to move on with our lives. Right now we need to focus on your family. On-"

The kiss wasn't anything spectacular. It was just his mouth softly pressing against her's in an attempt to shut her up. Just like the gentle caress of his fingers along her jaw were meant to be a distraction. And they worked like a charm. He knew her too well. "I've felt a lot of things for you but pity has never been one of them. I wish I could move on. I can't though. I've tried. It never works. They're never you. Figures I would finally fall in love and its fucked up. There it is though. I love you. I just don't know how to be what you want me to be. And right now I'm too exhausted to even try. My asshole of a father had to die and my sister had to get pregnant. My brother's a psycho and my mom's…she's my mom and she's…"

"She's your mom." Nodding, Izzie reached for his hand again. It wasn't just for him, she needed the connection to. His half assed declaration of love wasn't much, it wasn't really anything to build on, but it was something. It meant he hadn't just married her out of pity. His heart had been in it as well. "I understand."

"I know you do." He tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, his fingers lingering on her law line. "I'm glad you're here. I don't think I could do this if you weren't."

"I will always be here if you need."

"Not if. When. I'm always going to need you." The adam's apple in his throat worked up and down as he leaned his forehead against her's. Closing her eyes, she wished things were different. Not just where his family was concerned, but for them. She wished things were different for them.

"Alex?" She ignored the uncertainty in her mind and went with the emotions that were threatening to explode in her heart. "I'm always going to be here because I…I love you. So…I'm asking you…let me be your wife."


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Almost 200 reviews? Seriously? Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the ground. Could you guys be any more amazing? I think not! Wow! Just wow! And just so we are clear before you read this chapter: NO, they did NOT stop at the hotel. You will understand why by the end of the chapter. I promise. And I promise that at some point in this story (some point very soon) there will be hot hotel sex that makes you say whoa baby! I also want to say this chapter is kinda mushy and probably not all that realistic but right now we all need hope. This chapter is my way of giving myself hope and giving you hope. So please forgive any OOC or concerns that I rushed.

Dedication: This chapter is for my dear friend Tatiana. She is the reason for this story. Her wisdom and kindness are what keep me going.

Chapter Five

_The wounds of love can only be healed by the one who made them. _

Orange melded with violet as the sun slowly rose from behind a line of trees dusted with glistening snow. The beauty was lost on Izzie. Her mind was stuck in Billings, Montana. She had done something she had promised herself she would never do: she had begged Alex for another chance. Sixteen hours later and her heart still hurt. He hadn't rejected her or told her there was no chance for them but he had suggested they try being friends. Friends. At first it had felt like a slap in the face. Rejection at its worse. And then he did it. He pulled an Alex and made something that should have hurt like hell blossom into hope. Friendship was a solid base for lasting relationship. Most couples who based their relationship on friendship rather than lust or something else had a better chance of making. So, that was what they were going to do. They were going to be friends first.

Letting out a sigh, Izzie laid her cheek against the cold glass and tried to work up the courage to ask what they were going to tell people when they got to his mom's house. Was he just her friend? A girlfriend? What? She could play whatever role he wanted her to play as long as she knew ahead of time. "We're getting close," she observed as they passed a sign that said Cedar Rapids, 45 miles. It seemed impossible that they were almost there. When the journey began Iowa had seemed so far away. Yet there they were, less than an hour away.

"Yeah." There was something lacking in Alex's tone. It was as though he had been drained of emotions and was just sort of going through the motions of what was expected of him. In some ways he was. He'd dropped everything to rush to Iowa. A second phone call from Amber had had him nixing the hotel and them driving straight through. She couldn't remember who had driven longer or what towns they had changed off in. Her mind was numb. Void of all thoughts except those created by his need for them to start as friends.

"Does your mom know I'm coming?"

It was his turn to sigh. Izzie wasn't sure if he was exasperated or just tired. Probably both. "I have no clue. Not sure I care, you know? I just want to get through this and head home." Another blank tone that she couldn't read. Damn him.

"Yeah. Home." Home where she lived by herself in a tiny apartment. Home where all she did was work. Home where her spare time was spent crying about what might have been. He wanted to go home but she just wanted to keep driving. "What are we going to tell them? You know, about why I'm there?"

"I've been thinking about that," he said slowly, his fingers tightening on the steering wheel. "I think the truth is best. Less confusion." The truth. Where she was just an ex-wife along for the ride. Someone to help with driving. His friend. Slumping in the seat, Izzie couldn't help but wish she had never asked him to let her be his wife again. At least then she wouldn't mind playing the part of friend. "We won't go into details or anything. Kinda let them make their own assumptions on how long we've been back together."

Wrinkling her brow, Izzie straightened herself back up. She couldn't have heard him right. "So you want us to tell people we're back together?"

"Like I said, truth is less confusing."

Wrong. Alex's truth's were always confusing, Izzie thought as she replayed their conversation at the barbeque place in Billings one more time. She hadn't heard him wrong. He had flat out said they needed to work on their friendship. There had been nothing about them reconciling. She would have remembered that. "Just so we're clear, we're back together?"

He shot her an odd look. "You feeling okay?"

"No. No Alex I'm not. I asked you if I could be your wife again and you said…and I quote…'we need to be friends Iz. We need to get back to where we were before you had cancer. We need to build our friendship back up.' Friends Alex. You said we were friends."

"What I said was we needed to get back to where we were before the cancer and that the best way to do that was by focusing on the friendship side of things first." He scowled and shot her a dark look. She stuck her tongue out, not really caring that it was childish. He had her confused. Or maybe the exhaustion had her confused. She supposed it didn't really matter why she was confused, just that she was…confused. "Oh that's mature, Iz. Real mature." He shook his head and then made her laugh by sticking his tongue out in return. "I probably wasn't very clear," he conceded after a few moments of silence. "I want us, Iz. Probably more than I have ever wanted anything. I just don't want to make the same mistakes, you know? And I don't want to rush into something because my dad died and I'm freaking out."

Guilt gnawed at Izzie as she remembered the reason for the trip. His father had died. A mean, selfish bastard of a man who had taught Alex that loving someone was a sign of weakness. Then there was the whole mess with his mother refusing to take her medications. And, Izzie thought with a sigh, there was the fact that his baby sister was pregnant. Any one of those things would be tough but combined they had to be exhausting. "You're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be pressuring you or pushing you. We'll just…see where things go. If nothing else we can be friends, right?"

"No. I…I'm messing this up, aren't I? Damn it. I want us, Izzie. I want us to be an us. I just…do you know why I changed my mind about stopping for the night? Because I knew there was no way in hell I was going to be able to sleep in the same room with you without wanting to strip you naked. We've been down that road. Look where it got us? You running straight to Duquette because I was just the fuck buddy. The only real shot we had was after that shit with Rebecca. We started out as friends remember? We worked our way into a relationship before…well before we got naked. I want that again. I want us to have a real shot. One where we don't have a cancer bomb waiting to go off. One where you don't feel like I'm with you because I feel sorry for you. I think we can have that if we focus on being friends."

Slowly it fell into place. Amongst her tired, jumbled thoughts it started making sense. He wanted them to get back to where they had been before the cancer. They had been a real couple with a real future. No pressure. Just a fun, comfortable relationship with a future where marriage and children were a possibility. Getting that back was exactly what they needed. And he was right, they had gotten there by being friends. Although, she thought with a smug smile, it was nice to know that he still wanted her. She was kind of glad they hadn't stopped for a room and she hadn't been put in the position to have to turn down sex with the man she loved. It still simmered in the back of her mind that he had been with some unknown woman named Lucy right before he text her about his father's death. "Is there anyone who will object to us…well being an us?"

"I know where you're going with that Iz and let's not okay? I won't lie. I haven't been a monk. There have been other women. The only one I got remotely serious with was Lexie and that was mostly because I didn't want to admit that I had thrown my marriage away for a one night stand."

Izzie wanted to believe him. She did believe him. But she knew from the past that while Alex might think things weren't serious, sometimes the woman in question did. She didn't want the unknown Lucy being blind sided by the fact that Alex was getting back together with ex-wife. "Does Lucy know you're not serious?"

"Lucy? She's just some chick I work with Iz. Nobody special. Just a piece of ass I chased and caught."

Bile rose in the back of her throat. Had he ever looked at her that way? Had she ever been a piece of ass to him? Probably. Most likely. Or maybe not. Even before Denny he had done little things to make her feel special. Pink frosted cupcakes. Little notes in her locker. A hot pink Hello Kitty helmet to wear when they rode his motorcycle. A man didn't do things like that for some piece of ass. "I shouldn't have brought her up. I just don't want to hurt her."

"I hurt her," he said quietly, his fingers tightening on the steering wheel. "She's not like the others. She's…she didn't deserve what I did."

She wanted to ask him what he had done but she knew. He'd used Lucy. He'd used her for sex and then tossed her aside like she was nothing. Izzie almost felt sorry for the other woman but quickly cast that notion aside. If Lucy worked at Seattle Grace-Mercy West she had to know how Alex was. And if she had slept with him knowing how he was about relationships then she didn't deserve much pity. Not in Izzie's book anyways. "She's a big girl," Izzie bit out around the lump of emotion forming in her throat. "She'll survive."

"True. Just gonna be weird when I go back to work." He shrugged, a sign that he was ready to drop the subject. "She's in the past Iz. Yeah, yeah, I know its only been a day but I'm serious. She's history. A minor blip on the radar. You know I won't cheat on you."

Oddly enough she did know that. While there had been the incident with Lexie towards the end of their marriage it hadn't occurred until after she left him. If she hadn't left it wouldn't have happened. She was sure of that. "You're right. I do know. Bringing her up was stupid." She chanced a look at another road sign. Only twenty four more miles. Her heart skipped a beat. Twenty four miles until they entered hell. It was starting to sink in just how big of a mess they were about to deal with. There would be a funeral to plan. Alex's mother would be no help and Amber was too young to be put in a position to make the decisions that needed to be made. There was the elusive brother who was locked up in the mental hospital but somehow Izzie didn't think Alex would be asking him for help. Which meant she would be the only person he could count on. "Do you have some kind of idea what we're going to do when we get there?"

"Yeah. Sleep. That damn funeral home can lay off for a couple hours. Not like the body is going anywhere." The joke fell flat. Regardless of how Michael Karev had been in life, he had been Alex's dad. There had to be some part of Alex that was hurting. "I can't believe that bastard had the nerve to die in Cedar Rapids. Least he could have done was kick the bucket where nobody knew him or knew how to get a hold of us."

A stranger would have been horrified. They would have judged him as heartless and cruel. Izzie knew he was none of those things. His anger and bitterness as justified. Michael Karev had made Alex's life a living hell. Because of him, Alex had bounced from foster home to foster home, and when that wasn't going on he was stuck living in a home that was more hell than home. No, Izzie understood why he felt the way he felt. "I know you're angry and you don't want to deal with this but someone has to. Amber can't. Your mom can't. That leaves us. If you don't think you can do it I am sure I can handle it."

"I'll take care of it. Probably just have his ass cremated or something." The tension in his voice made Izzie wish she hadn't brought up the subject of what they were going to do when they reached Cedar Rapids. The answer should have been obvious. Their whole reason for going was his father's death. "I'll figure it out later. Right now I just want to get to Coach's house and crash."

"Coach?" Wrinkling her brow, Izzie shifted so she faced him. She had wanted to ask him where they were going to stay but hadn't been able to work up the courage or find at tactful way. She knew a hotel room was probably out of the question and she didn't think she really wanted to stay with his mom so it was a little bit of a relief to know they would be staying somewhere else.

"Old high school wrestling coach. I lived with him most of my senior year. He's the one who told me if I wanted to be a damn doctor I could damn well be a damn doctor just had to damn well make sure my damn grades stayed up." The amusement in his voice brought a smile to her lips. She had a feeling she was going to like his "damn" coach. The man seemed to have had a hand in molding Alex into the man he was; the good parts of the man he was. "You'll like him and his wife. They're great. Have a mess load of grandkids running around though. So be warned. Especially watch out for the youngest, Kelsey. She might look cute but she bites. Found that out the last time I was here."

Her smile grew. This was the most relaxed she had seen him the whole trip. She was going to enjoy it while she could. She knew once planning the funeral started the tension would return. They would get through it though. Together. They could get through anything together. Her smile grew even more. It was nice to know they at least had a shot at a future together. For the first time in a long time her heart didn't ache and her mind wasn't crammed full of what if's and maybes. For the first time in her life she knew everything was going to be okay. Better than okay, she thought as she reached across the seat to grab his hand. It was going to be wonderful.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note: I put a lot of thought into this author's note. More thought than usual because it isn't often my feelings are conflicted by reviews. I am sorry this story is not going the way you would like for it to go. It is just that my writing professors always taught us to write what we know. What I know is there is no way I would ever have sex with a man who just had sex with another woman. So, that is how I wrote Izzie. She doesn't want to have sex with Alex. Not right now. Not when he slept with Lucy the night before. Please have some faith in me. Please. I promise the wait will be worth it. Just trust me. Your continued support means the world to me. This chapter is basically filler. I hope you still enjoy!

Chapter Six 

_It doesn't exactly feel like shock, but it's all new to me and I'm taking it in as it comes - Eminem _

An odd rush of emotions washed over Alex as he stared at the two story brick house he'd lived for most of his senior year. It was the only place that had ever felt like a home. Meredith's place had its homey moment but it lacked the comfort the house before him offered. Probably because the house in Seattle didn't have Coach breathing down his neck to be a better man or Coach's wife, Tati, telling him the past didn't matter, just the future. They had taught him he didn't have to follow in his father's footsteps. He didn't have to be drunk who mistreated the people in his life. A tickle of shame nipped at his heart, reminding him that while he wasn't a drunk he had mistreated people. He use to reason that how he treated people in his personal life was counteracted by the good he did in his professional life. His father's death had smacked him with a reality check. Professional and personal knew no boundaries. Either he was a good man or he wasn't. The choice was his. And his choice was to be a good man.

"Do they know we're coming?" Izzie asked in a nervous whisper, her body visibly tense. It was pointless to tell her to relax. It would have also been hypocritical since he was just as tense. He wasn't sure he would be able to relax until they were back in Seattle. "Alex?"

"Yeah. They know." Taking a deep breath, he killed the engine of the car and slowly climbed out. The moment his feet hit the pavement the bright red front door of the brick house flew open and giant of a man with steel gray hair and piercing blue eyes stood there, arms crossed. "That's coach," he murmured when Izzie was by his side. "He's not as tough as he looks."

"Oh. Well. That's good cause I gotta tell you, he's looking a little on the scary side." Alex chuckled, a ghost of his old grin warming on his lips. Coach presented a scary picture, he admitted that, but the six foot seven wrestling coach was a push over when it came to women. It was a running joke that Coach Gregory Lester's wife Tatiana wore the pants in the family. Alex knew better. He'd seen first hand the kind of relationship his former wrestling coach and his wife had. They loved each other. They respected each other. They wanted to make the other person happy. Alex use to think relationships like that were rare but he'd had a taste of that with Izzie. It had been in the months before the cancer. He didn't blame her illness for all the wrongs that had occurred in their relationship but the seriousness of it all had played a big part in their downfall. They hadn't handled anything right. Instead of focusing on fighting the cancer, he had focused on cramming all of Izzie's dreams into whatever time they might have left together.

"Karev!" The bark of Coach's voice catapulted through his wandering thoughts and brought him back to the present. "Get your ass in here and help me eat all this god awful food my wife cooked."

"Only if you tell me there's no burnt bacon," Alex joked, some of his tension easing. Despite the exhaustion that was weighing down his body he couldn't wait to eat. The last home cooked meal he'd eaten had been cooked by Izzie. They had grilled steaks, baked some potatoes, tossed a salad, and gorged themselves on a caramel apple pie. If he had known it would be their last meal together he would have told her he loved her, that she meant everything to him; maybe then she wouldn't have left.

"Wish I could, boy, wish I could. You know Tati. Always burning that bacon and undercooking those waffles." A large hand slapped him on the back and ushered him inside. "Well now, this must be that wife you tried to get rid of. Izzie, right?"

"Right," squeaked out the woman in question. Her long, slender fingers looked like those of a child in the coach's meaty paw. Alex gave it another ten minutes before she relaxed and started laughing along with the inside jokes. "Except I'm not his wife. I mean, I was but…" She looked at Alex. He shrugged. Coach knew the whole story. They'd talked earlier that morning while Izzie was sleeping. The older man was just giving her a hard time and there wasn't much Alex could say about it. Besides, it was a little fun to watch her squirm.

"You got divorced. I know. Karev told me. Also told me you were getting back together. Course, knowing Karev, that just might be his version of things."

And that was what did it. Izzie let out a small giggle and confirmed that they were in the process of working things out. He was glad she had left out how recent that development was. While he knew Coach and his wife wouldn't care, it was just better if they left things vague. The less said the better. It would give him and Izzie the space to figure things out on their own. "Better get you two into the kitchen before her majesty comes looking for me."

"Please tell you guys were joking about his wife's cooking," Izzie whispered as they followed their host through the comfortably furnished house to the spacious kitchen that took up most of the back of the house. Alex didn't bother answering Izzie's question. The spread of golden brown waffles, crispy bacon, fluffy eggs, and fresh squeezed orange juice said it all. At some point he was going to have to tell her that Tatiana was the junior high home economics teacher.

"Alex!" Tatiana Lester rounded the ceramic tiled island and wrapped her arms his waist. She was as tiny as her husband was large. There was only small traces of gray in her long, black hair and few wrinkles on her pretty face. "I hate that you only come to visit when things go wrong. You should come for happy reasons."

Happy reasons. There were no happy reasons to visit Iowa. He hated the place. It was a reminder of a past he just as soon forgot. "I stay busy," he offered as a platitude. From the way his former foster mother tsked at him he knew she wasn't buying it.

"Busy, he says. Bah. You come back this summer when we're on break and we can plan something fun." Tatiana raised on the balls of her feet and pressed a kiss to his cheek before turning her attention to Izzie. "And you must be Izzie! Alex has told us so much about you."

The surprised look Izzie shot him said he would be filling her in on what he had said. Some of it would surprise her. He'd started talking about her to Coach and Tati the first week he met her. Yeah, he'd treated her like crap to her face but he'd respected the hell out of her. She'd dug her way out of a trailer park and paid her way through school without having to take out student loans. "All good I hope," Izzie laughed, shooting him a wide eyed look.

"Nothing but good," Tatiana assured her. Within minutes they were all seated and laughing about some of the crazy stunts Alex had pulled in high school. It would have been so easy to pretend they were his parents and Izzie was still his wife. The scene they painted made the fantasy seem all to real. The Lesters weren't his parents though and while things promising with Izzie she was still his ex-wife. With time he hoped to change that. He hoped to build up the kind of marriage the Lesters had. First step would be getting remarried, something neither of them were quite ready for. Second step would be figuring out where they would make their home. There was no way in hell he was letting Izzie stay in that tiny apartment she currently called home; to say the neighborhood was questionable was putting it nicely. Thirdly, they would have to remember they were friends. He was pretty sure that was why Coach's marriage worked so well. They were friends and didn't take each other for granted. That was what he wanted. That was why he wanted him and Izzie to work on that aspect of their relationship before they took things to another level.

Avoiding the next level was going to be harder than he thought, he realized twenty minutes later when Tatiana showed them to the room he always used. It didn't take a genius to figure out that they would be sharing it. Great. Two nights of sleeping in the same bed with a woman he only had to think about to get an erection. Sleeping next to her and not touching her was going to be a nightmare. The chances of them having sex were pretty slim. He was sure of that. The way she had brought Lucy back up had nailed that coffin shut. "I can ask them if you can have their daughter's old room" he offered once they were alone.

"It's fine." The tone of her voice wasn't as convincing as her words. Which meant she was going to have just as hard of a time as he was. It was kind of comforting to know she wanted him as badly as he wanted her. "We're adults. This is no different than sharing a hotel room, right?"

"Right," he drawled out slowly. He wanted to remind her of why they hadn't stopped for a hotel room but he was too tired. All he wanted was to fall onto the bed and sleep. The weary look on Izzie's face said she wanted the same. They would deal with the sharing a bed and his father's funeral later, he thought as he stripped down to his boxers and climbed into the full size bed. A moment later it bounced around as Izzie slid in next to him. He let out a sigh as she curled into his side, her head resting on his shoulder. His last thoughts were they were going to have to figure something out because even exhausted, laying next to her and not making love to her was pure torture.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: I am sorry it has taken so long to get this chapter to you. Real life got a bit hectic. Things in this chapter are fast paced at first, speeding us through a day and a half. I did that for a reason. You will thank me by the end!

Chapter Six

_The family you come from isn't as important as the family you're going to have - Ring Lardner _

With blood pulsing through her veins at a scary rate, Izzie pressed the tips of her fingers to her temples as she tried to tune out another round of bickering between Alex's mother and sister. Since meeting the two yesterday she had yet to see them do anything else. Annie would start in with her continuous caterwauling about her dear, wonderful Michael being gone, which would set Amber off on a tangent of how unfair it was that her mother was still going on and on about some stupid, wife beating asshole when her daughter needed her! While Amber had a point the way she went about making it was ridiculous; her whining and pouting would have put a toddler to shame. Even worse was the delusional attitude Amber had about her pregnancy. It was almost as though the girl thought if she didn't really talk about or acknowledge that she had a baby due in three and a half months then the baby did not exist. Even scarier was the fact that Annie was so wrapped up in her own little world Izzie wasn't even sure her former mother in law was aware of the fact that her seventeen year old daughter was pregnant. To say the least, planning the funeral with them had been impossible. Most of it had fallen on her and Alex's shoulders. As had cleaning up the cockroach infested house Annie and Amber lived in so it would be fit for company.

"Almost over," Alex whispered, reaching over to take her right hand in his. She offered him a weak smile. He was the only normal one in the bunch, she thought sadly. Meeting his family had given her a whole new perspective on why Alex was the way he was. It amazed her that he had escaped there with his sanity in tack. Her's was on the verge of teeter tottering and there was no tumor to blame, just Alex's crazy mother and bitchy sister. She'd tried, really she had, but there was just no liking them. Especially Amber. Which surprised her. She had fully expected to like the girl. Instead she wanted to shake some sense into the kid. Life wasn't about her anymore, it was about that baby she was carrying. Didn't she realize being able to have a baby was a gift? There wasn't anything Izzie wouldn't do to feel a tiny life growing inside her. Amber had that and she was too young and stupid to appreciate it.

"Shouldn't I be telling you that," Izzie whispered back. Guilt eked through her as she realized how true her words were. Yes, Alex's family was tough to deal with but they were going through a hard time. Alex was going through a hard time. She was suppose to be his rock, not the other way around.

"Yeah, but I'm use to dealing with their bull shit, you're not." The joke brought a small smile to Izzie's lips. It was sad how dysfunctional the Karev family was. The death of Michael Karev should have pulled them together, it should have made them realize how important family was, instead it was just another reason to fight, complain and act nutty. Quite frankly Izzie had had enough. If not for the man next to her she would have stood before the tiny group of people watching the casket being lowered into the ground and told the whole lot of them what she thought of them. Inconsiderate morons. Ungrateful wretches. Unbalanced idiots. The list of adjectives went on and on.

"Still," she murmured, squeezing his hand tighter, "I'm here for you, not the other way around."

"How about, we're here for each other?" Her heart melted a little and it was all she could do not to sigh or press a kiss to his cheek. This was the man she had married. Sweet but tough. Kind but gruff. The keeper of her heart. The man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. It was a soft and gentle dawning, this steadfast realization that it wasn't out of fear of dying alone or fear of spending her life alone but deep, unconditional love that made her want to be with Alex. The past didn't matter. The crazy people around them didn't matter. All that mattered was they had a chance.

"Sounds good," was all she managed to reply; her mind was too busy looking toward the future. She would call Webber and tell him she wanted the job he'd offered her. And she would talk to Alex about them finding an apartment closer to Seattle Grace-Mercy West that fit both their budgets. Instead of planning her future alone, she would plan it with him. She wondered briefly if maybe she was rushing things, thinking that they would find a place to live together, but she had a feeling that was what Alex would want. They had been to that point when she was diagnosed. The cancer had made they stay at Meredith's, and then afterward there hadn't been any money to move. There had also been the fear of him only marrying her because she had been sick and that at any time he was going to leave. She'd left first. Hadn't given him the chance to tell her how he felt, hadn't given herself the courage to ask him either. It sounded horrible to say that the best thing to happen to them was his father dying but there it was. If he hadn't sent her that text they would have trodden through life missing one another but never seeking the other out.

She mulled over that fact throughout the rest of the funeral and during the short ride back to the Lesters house. They had decided to forego the torture of stopping by his mother's hovel of a home, choosing instead to have one last meal with Alex's surrogate parents. Whether he realized it or not, that was who Greg and Tatiana Lester were. It was a pity that Annie Karev was so wrapped up in herself she forgot to be proud of all her eldest son had accomplished. Most kids who had grown up the way Alex had became abusive themselves; and very few made it through college, let alone medical school. Alex was who he was because the Lesters had told him he could be anything he wanted to be, that he didn't have to be another Michael Karev. Izzie would thank God for that every single day.

"Do you want to leave tonight or in the morning?" Alex asked after they had eaten and the Lesters had left for their oldest grandson's basketball game. It felt a little weird having the two story home to themselves. Weird, but nice, Izzie mused as she followed Alex up to the room that Tatiana had told her to consider "their's." Sleeping next to Alex for two nights had been pure misery. It took hours to fall asleep because she was so aware of his body next to her's and when she did sleep her dreams were so erotic she woke up wet and turned on. Last night she had thought about waking him up and begging him to just fuck her but at the last minute she had chickened out. Mostly because she didn't want to ruin the comfortable comradeship that had formed between them. True they had only officially been reconciled for seventy-two hours but it felt longer. The heart knew what it knew and her's knew Alex loved her, that anyone he'd been with during their time apart had meant nothing. She just wasn't sure they were ready for the next step. She didn't want to be the current bed warmer in his life. Another Lexie or Lucy or any number of the nameless women he picked up at bars.

"In the morning," she answered firmly She'd caught a brief report for snow on the evening news and figured it was better to drive through the white mess in the light of day rather than night.

"Yeah. That's what I was thinking too." He fell silent, his face contorting into an odd mask. His fingers flexed and un-flexed as he paced the floor. "He was an asshole. A complete and total asshole. Satan in the flesh. A real douche bag."

It took a moment for her to digest what he was saying. He was talking about his father. Her heart constricted. He had been so strong, so reserved throughout all of it. She had known this moment would come and was a little grateful it was happening then instead of while they were on the road. "He was still your father," she said softly, tentatively reaching out to touch his cheek. For a brief second he looked like a confused little boy on the verge of tears. With trembling fingers, she raised her other hand to cup to his other cheek. When the moisture of a tear hit the pad of her left thumb she felt her own eyes starting to burn. Michael Karev might have been a thousand other things but he had still been Alex's father.

"Sorry ass mother fucker," he sputtered, his adam's apple visibly working up and down as he fought for control. "Stupid bastard." A soft gasp whooshed past her lips as he suddenly yanked her body up against his. The kiss was brutal. Him taking what he wanted. No. Not taking. She was willing to give. The anger in the kiss was what surprised her. Naked anger that dripped off his tongue and burned her lips. "He deserves to rot in hell," Alex sneered, breaking the kiss. The darkness in his eyes worried her. Her Alex didn't radiate rage like the man before her. Taking a step back, Izzie fought for a way to cage the beast that was his anger. "I don't care. I don't. I'm glad he's gone. I just wish…" His fingers flexed and un-flexed again. "I just wish…"

"He's gone Alex," she whispered, her heart hurting for the pain she seen etched on his features. Her mind raced through hundreds of ideas on how to distract him from what he was going through. They all led back to the one thing she knew Alex wanted most: her body. Inhaling and exhaling deeply a couple times, Izzie sat on the edge of the bed. Her heart pounded as she unzipped her knee high boots and worked them off. Next she wiggled out of her thick, black tights and lastly tugged off the body hugging sweater dress she'd worn to the funeral. The rhythm of her heart pounded harder as she stood back up and faced Alex. "He's gone. And you have the right to be angry at him for not being a better man but he's gone." She walked back toward him and cupped his face once again. At first she brushed her lips across each of his cheeks, his chin, his forehead, even the tip of his nose, saving his lips for the last. It was sweeter this time. More desperate but sweeter. She could feel his anger starting to seep away as he put his emotions into kissing her.

"Do you know how many nights I've dreamed about this? Dreamed about you? Every fucking night since you left," he breathed in her ear as he unbuttoned and then shrugged out of his dressy maroon shirt. Her fingers greedily skimmed over his chest, loving the feel of his hot flesh beneath her touch. It had been so long….too long. Forget slow and sweet, she needed hot and hard. She had a feeling that was what Alex needed to. Her feeling proved right a moment later when she felt the cold wood of the door against her back. She felt his hot mouth trailing down her neck as his fingers grasped the sides of her hot pink panties. A small giggle formed in her throat when she heard the delicate lace material rip. The giggle gave way to a whimper of anticipation when he gripped her legs and hitched one, then the other, over his hips. Whimpers turned to moans as he nudged the plump head of his penis between her slick folds. Inch by inch he slid into her body, stretching her, filling her. Her body protested when he started to withdraw only to rejoice when just as quickly he thrust back in, burying himself to the hilt. Over and over the dance continued. Hard at first, full of desperation. Then slower, sweeter, a physical declaration of love that had her murmuring his name and telling him how much she loved her. A fine sheen of tears burned her eyes when she heard him whispering his love in return.

He buried his face in her neck when it was over, his body trembling as he gently let her legs fall to the floor. "Marry me," he blurted, his words hot on her throat. She waited for it, that piercing of doubt that told her he was only asking because he was upset over his father's death. It never came. And when he raised his head, his beautiful hazel eyes meeting her's, she knew he meant it. A tear trickled down her cheek as she wrapped her arms around him.

"When," she asked, praying he didn't say he wanted a long engagement or another big wedding. They didn't need either. All they needed was another piece of paper saying they belonged together. To make their emotions legal and binding.

"Now," he chuckled. "Let's just get dressed and head to court house."

Blinking, Izzie stared at him. Was he serious? A quick search of his face told her that he was. She didn't want to look back at this moment with regret. Taking a deep breath, she worked up the courage to say the words. "Let's go."


	8. Chapter 8

Author's Note: So how much are you loving me right now? I told you it would be worth the wait! No, I am not giving you happiness before the ugliness. I am giving you happiness before reality check. No worries, there is plenty of happiness to found in reality. It is just a matter of laughing your way through awkward situations. My husband and I have learned that throughout our eleven years of marriage. If you can't laugh with your spouse who can you laugh with?

Side Note: When I started this story I wasn't sure how long it would be or how far I would take it. I am still not sure but I know I am having fun writing it! I also want to say that I left off where I did for a reason. Their wedding night deserves a chapter all on its own!

Chapter Eight

_Lovers do not finally meet somewhere, they are in each other all along - Rumi _

There were no elegant floral arrangements, designer gowns, or sleepy symphony music. Nor was there an air of urgency. Calm. Peace. Rightness. Those were the things Alex felt. They were marrying for love. He knew when they got back to Seattle they would face a firing squad of questions ; he didn't care. People could ask their questions, they could start their rumors. Whatever his friends and coworkers wanted to throw at him, he was ready. All because his wife was his wife again. Not just in his heart but legally. Funny, she felt more like his wife this time than she had the last time. He wondered if it was because they had made the decision, not had it suggested to them. Or maybe it was because living on their own, without the other, had been a lie. Growing up he had been content with fabricating a life for himself but the older he got the less satisfying that was. While his mother and sister had been bickering and bawling as his father's casket had been lowered into the ground, Alex had taken a good long look at his life. Did he want to be like his father? Die alone with few people to mourn him and a trail of bad memories? Hell no. When his time was up he wanted to be remembered as a good man.

"I can't believe we just did that!" Izzie's laughter shook off his serious musings and brought him back to the happiness of the moment. A smile broke out across his face as pulled his wife into his arms. His wife. Man, it felt good to think of her that way and know it was a reality. "They're all going to flip out back home, you know that right?"

"Let them flip," Alex teased, pressing a quick kiss to her mouth. He knew she was right, that their friends would flip out. Especially Lucy, he thought with a mental grimace. When he had a chance he would have to make things right with her. Over the months she had been a good friend. A good friend he shouldn't have slept with. Yes, she had crossed the line first but he should have propelled her back over it, reminded her that while their flirting was fun they were too good of friends to mess that up. Hopefully things weren't so messed up they couldn't be repaired. The last thing he wanted was to work with a woman scorned. Correction, the last thing he wanted was for Izzie to have to work with a woman he had scorned. That wouldn't be the best way to start a marriage.

"We joke about it now but seriously, you know Meredith is going to be hurt and Cristina is going to be pissed." Funny that she had only mentioned two friends when in his mind he had been thinking about how Jackson, April, and Lexie would react as well. Of course those three were not her friends and somehow he doubted she would ever be friends with Lexie.

"At first, yeah, but they know us. They know the shit we've been through. In the end I think they'll be happy. Or at least say if you're happy, I'm happy. Blah, blah, blah." The teasing died on his lips when he seen genuine worry in his wife's eyes. "Iz, they're going to be happy for us. You know that."

"Not really. Meredith and I didn't part on the best of terms Alex. I was…I took my anger and hurt out on her. I said some pretty hurtful things. We haven't spoken since. I'm not so sure she's going to be happy about us getting back together."

It was a bit of a surprise to hear that Meredith and Izzie had parted on bitter terms. Meredith had never let on. Most of the time when they spoke of Izzie it was either with sadness or remembering the good times. "Iz, whatever happened, knowing Meredith she forgave you right then. She doesn't hold grudges. You know that." Reaching out he tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. He wished he had some way to sooth her worries, to help her realize that their family of friends would welcome her back with open arms. "And you said yourself that you and Cristina have kept in touch. I bet in her own sick, twisted Cristina way she will be glad to have you back."

"Maybe." Uncertainty still clung to her. It was in every movement she made, in the doubt in her eyes, and the slight downward tilt of her lips. "I guess it doesn't matter, you know? I mean, as long as we're happy then that's what matters."

"Exactly!" Alex agreed, caressing her cheek with the back of his knuckles. He started to lean in and kiss her but was caught off guard by the buzzing of his cell phone. Part of him wanted to ignore it but recent events had taught him some things couldn't be ignored so he reached into his back pocket and pulled the slim, flat phone out. Meredith's name flashed across the front. "Now or wait," he asked, showing the caller id to Izzie.

"Rip the band aid off," she blurted out, her eyes a little wide.

Chuckling a little he answered the phone, his grin teeter tottering as Meredith informed him that Callie's baby had been born and there was reason to believe he had congenital diaphragmatic hernia. Dread filled Alex. Reaching up he pinched the space between his brows. There wasn't much that could be done if that was what Mark and Callie's son had. "Are they sure," he asked in a tense voice. His heart dropped when Meredith said it was looking that way. "Damn. Double damn. That sucks."

"What's wrong?" Izzie questioned in a whisper. He shook his head and murmured he would tell her in a minute. He didn't have to look at her to know he had hurt her. Damn. That hadn't been his intent. He had just wanted to hear Meredith out and then paint the bigger picture for Iz.

"Hey, Mere, can we talk about this when I get back? Today's been…" He struggled to find the words to explain. The morning had been awful. He'd buried his father. The afternoon was looking up though. He'd not only made love to the love of his life, he'd married her. "I…I have some news. Iz and I…we got remarried." The line went silent. No doubt Meredith was trying to soak the news in. "Meredith?" She shocked him a little by asking if he was joking. "Nope. Dead serious." He needed Meredith to be supportive. A moment later he got his wish. She congratulated him and then asked if she could talk to Izzie. He hesitated before holding the phone out. "She wants to talk to you," he whispered.

Izzie shook her head. He grabbed her wrist with his free hand and pressed the phone into it. She shot him a stricken look before whispering hello. Slowly the unease seemed to wash away from her pretty features as Meredith and she talked about so many different topics he lost count. One stood out though; Meredith had voiced her forgiveness. She hadn't done it for herself but because she had known Izzie needed to hear the words. It didn't surprise Alex. Meredith was just that way. She forgave transgressions almost as soon as they happened. "I can't wait to see you either," Izzie said softly, her face soft with contentment and happiness. A second later she handed him the phone back. A quick peek at the screen told him Meredith had hung up, so he slid it back into his pocket. Izzie looked at him expectantly. "So…"

"So…you want the long version or the short version?" He hoped she said short because he didn't want to spend anymore time than necessary talking about things that did not concern their future.

"Depends. Who are we about to talk about?"

"Mark and Callie." Izzie chewed her lip and then said short version. Before he could give a recanting of what had gone on she asked if it had anything to do with the baby. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask her how she knew but then it occurred to him that Cristina had probably told her. "Kid came a little early. Looks like he might have CDH."

"Oh no. That sucks." Genuine sympathy briefly clouded Izzie's face as they started out the courthouse doors and into the freezing cold outdoors. When she let out a shivery breath he wrapped one arm around her shoulders. "How severe is it?"

"Not sure. Told Mere I would get filled in when I made it back home." Horrible as it sounded he didn't want to waste anymore time talking about Mark, Callie, their son, or anything medically related. This was his wedding day, soon to be wedding night. There was no room for anything other than him, Izzie, and a bed. They had months to make up for.

"Hm. That your way of saying shut up about it?" she teased, leaning her cold cheek against his equally cold cheek. He let out a laugh and told her that yes, that was exactly what it meant. "Fine. I'll shut up about it…for now. But only because I'm anxious to get my super hot husband naked!"

"Naked sounds good." He could think of several other things that sounded good. All of which included being naked. Unfortunately he didn't think Coach and Tatiana would appreciate coming home to find their houseguests making love in front of the fireplace, in the hot tub, or on the kitchen counter. Those things would have to wait until they got home. "I was just thinking," he said slowly, his steps faltering as they drew closer to his car. "Are we going to move into your apartment, find one closer to Seattle Grace or see if Shep will let us rent his trailer?"

"No trailer!" The firmness in her voice left no room for argument. "And I still have three months on my lease so it makes no sense to move right now. We'll finish out the lease but start looking for something closer. Plus, I still have to finish my internship. I'm still about four months behind."

"Yeah, but I bet Webber would let you finish at Seattle Grace." He wasn't sure about that but since the Chief had offered Izzie a job he was willing to bet if asked the guy would let her finish her internship there as well. After all that was where she had started.

"I don't want to finish at Seattle Grace. I've learned a lot at Presbyterian that I wouldn't have learned anywhere else. Plus I have a couple patients I want to see through to the end, you know?" No, he didn't know. He didn't let himself get invested or attached the way she did. He had hoped she had outgrown that little professional fault. "They're almost ready to go home. We just have to run a couple more tests to make sure they're really in remission before we release them." Her face lit up as she started telling him about a ten year old boy named Steven who had overcome acute lymphoma leukemia and a three year old girl named Kelsey who had survived some form of blood cancer Alex wasn't familiar with. Then there was two year old Wilson who had a cancerous tumor in his brain. His family was going to move him to M.D. Anderson in hopes that some experimental treatments would find a cure; if not for Wilson, then for another child. The more she talked about her patients the more he understood why Webber had gone to her. She had found her calling. Through her own experience with cancer she had discovered her niche in the medical world. "You need to meet Wilson before he leaves. He's the most amazing little boy. If I…If we…" she crinkled her brow for a moment, a pained expression on her face, "If we ever have a little boy I hope he's just like Wilson."

Unsure of how to respond Alex quietly opened the passenger side door and helped her inside before rounding the car to the driver's side. Kids had never been something he had thought about until things got serious with Izzie. They had had a few conversations before she was diagnosed about children and then he'd donated sperm so they could freeze some embryos in case she ever wanted children after chemo. "Iz, we can use the embryos," he said after he started the car. "I know that isn't the same as having one the old fashioned way but who says the old fashioned way is the best? This way we get to control when we have one. We get to…" The shaking of his head told him to stop. He didn't understand the pain on her face or the misery she was going through when it came to the after effects of chemo on her body. "It will be okay. Whatever we decide, whatever happens, it will be okay."

"I wish I could believe that. I wish I could get over this stupid feeling of not being good enough because I can't have kids." Her head titled back, a tear slowly running down her cheek as she let out a resigned sigh. "I guess in some ways its kinda good, you know? No unplanned pregnancies to worry about."

"See. There ya go. We get to decide when we're ready without worrying about an accident happening."

She let out another sigh. "I guess. I just worry that maybe something is seriously wrong with my body and that we'll use up all the embryos and still not have kids."

A reasonable concern, he supposed. He had a solution for that though. "If for some reason it looks like you can't carry a baby we'll find a surrogate. Problem solved. Now, what was it you were saying about getting your super hot, sex God of a husband naked?"

Laughter filled the car the tension eased. "Sex God? Wow. Someone's full of themselves!" She rolled her head so that she faced him. Humor twinkled in her dark eyes. Humor mixed with a healthy dose of lust. Tonight was going to be fun. Much more fun than their last wedding night. His elation diminished a bit as he realized they wouldn't be having too much fun because they were still at Coach's house. The least thing he wanted was to be teased about all the sex noises coming from his room.

"I think we should leave tonight," he said slowly. "Go up the road a ways and get a hotel room. Have a real wedding night, you know? I think we deserve it."

"Yeah," she said with a soft sigh. "I think we do." Reaching across the seat with her left hand she grabbed for his right one. Their fingers entangled, reminding him they needed to buy rings. He would correct that when they got home. He couldn't wait to slide a real ring on her finger. One that told the world she was taken.


	9. Chapter 9

Author's Note: Meredith knows. The question now is will she keep the news to herself or will she spread the word? And what about Mark and Callie's son? He has a pretty scary birth defect that usually kills within the first year! How heartbreaking is that? On to something heartwarming though. Alex. Izzie. Hotel. Wedding night. Hot sex. Cold snow. Lots and lots of cold snow. Oh yeah. Things are about to get interesting in this story! And I apologize for how long this chapter took to get to you! My internet has been acting up and I had to wait until it was fixed to upload.

P.S. I know the quote might seem a little odd at first, given what this chapter is about, but I think by the end of the chapter you will agree it was just perfect! Hope you enjoy.

Chapter Nine

_I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life and looking back, regretting the moments we didn't speak up. When we didn't say 'I love you.' When we should've said 'I'm sorry.' - Taylor Swift_

Sticky white flakes fell from the sky. Slowly at first, like graceful ballerinas pirouetting across a stage, and then in earnest, like pumped up basketball players zigzagging down the court. Inch by inch they covered the earth, coating it in a thick blanket that would have been beautiful if not for the layer of ice beneath. The ice turned awe into fear. People could handle snow. They drove slower and bundled up. It was the ice that made things impossible. Impossible to drive. Impossible to remain calm. Impossible to think about anything but when was the ice going to melt? It seemed to instill mayhem in even the most rationale of people. Izzie would have found it amusing if the weatherman hadn't announced that the highways were shutting down. One night in a nice hotel was within their budget. Several days due to an unexpected blizzard wasn't. There was also the added expense of food for those days as well. It would drain what was left of Alex's savings and would put a nice, little dint in her's as well. She wanted to push the worry aside, to just enjoy the fact that she was getting a honeymoon of sorts but it was impossible. Money aside, she had promised her boss she would be back by Friday. If the weatherman's predictions were correct, and so far they had been, they wouldn't be leaving Sioux Falls, South Dakota until Saturday morning. Add in the drive time back to Seattle and she would be lucky to clock in on Monday morning. If she still had a job.

"Here." A wine filled goblet was thrust into her hands. She looked at it and then up at her husband, only to find him uncorking the bottle of wine the front desk had left in their room. The wine, along with a fun little tray of strawberries and chocolate dip, were complimentary gifts to all honeymoon couples. Or so the perky redhead at the front desk had told them. Izzie was pretty sure the price was included somewhere in the room rate. "Take a couple swigs of this and loosen up. It's our wedding night. We're suppose to be all happy and naked right now."

"We're stuck Alex. We're stuck in the middle of South Dakota because some freak blizzard couldn't wait until we were back home. We can't afford this. Not for three days. I have rent coming up. Not to mention a car payment. And what am I suppose to tell my boss? I'm sorry Dr. Fieldman I'm snowed in? That won't cut it. He'll fire me. I'll be the twice fired doctor and nobody will hire me!" She was losing it. She could feel the panic threatening to consume her, to turn her into one of those freaks who flipped out over a little snow and ice. Only it wasn't a little snow and ice, it was a freaking blizzard that was cost them more money than they could spare. She wanted to say she should have stayed home but she couldn't. If she had stayed home she wouldn't be Izzie Karev again and she liked being Izzie Karev; it meant she got Alex Karev all to herself.

"Drink," Alex ordered again. This time she obeyed. She took a mouthful of the sweet, red wine and swallowed. It hit her empty stomach like a ton of bricks, reminding her of how long it had been since she had drank anything stronger than a beer. "Now eat." A chocolate dipped strawberry was gently shoved between her parted lips, leaving her with no choice but to take a bite. "There. That wasn't so hard was it?"

"I'm trying to have a meltdown here," she complained after she swallowed the amazing burst of sweetness that had invaded her mouth. "Just five minutes, Alex. Five minutes of panic, okay? That's all I need."

"Tomorrow, Iz. You can have five minutes of panicking tomorrow if you still need it. Tonight is about Izzie," he pressed a hot kiss to the sensitive skin just behind her ear, sending a shiver down her spine, "and Alex" he took her earlobe between his teeth and gently nipped, "getting naked," another soft nip before tracing the shell of her ear with the tip of his tongue, "and having super hot Alex and Izzie sex all night long."

The words would have sounded funny coming from anyone else but coming from Alex, in that low sultry voice he always got right before he stripped her naked, it was hot. Almost as hot as Alex and Izzie sex, she thought with a grin as she turned her head just enough to capture his mouth with her's. His tongue slipped past her lips, sparred with her's and then retreated. Their hands made quick work of the warm clothing them had worn and knowingly caressed the familiar expanses of naked flesh once all barriers were removed. It amazed her how well they knew each other's bodies and how their time apart hadn't altered the familiarity. They had made love so many times, physically and mentally, that their fingertips had been burned with the memory of the other's flesh. Izzie knew every inch of his body, knew the spots that were ticklish and the parts that made him as hard as a rock. She knew there were some women who enjoyed the mystery of a new man every night but she loved the familiarity of making love to the same man over and over again. The emotions always took the physical to the next level. It took an amazing experience and turned it into an spectacular one.

"I love you," he murmured, his breath hot in her ear as he slowly laid her back on the kind sized bed. The palms of both his hands slid beneath the backs of her thighs as he eased his body between her legs. A soft moan formed on her lips as she felt him slide into her body. What they had done hours earlier had been fantastic but this…she couldn't find the right words to describe how it felt. It wasn't just a connection of their bodies but their souls.

"Alex," she moaned, the tips of her fingers tracing a path down his spine. The slow, lazy pace of his withdrawals and thrusts did nothing to prick the bubble of desire building low in her stomach. There were times when she craved slow and sweet but now wasn't one of those times. Hard. Fast. Borderline painful. That was what she wanted. What she needed. "Alex," she panted his name again, hoping he would understand what she wanted, what she needed. Right on cue, as though he knew why she kept chanting his name, he picked up his pace. Harder. Faster. Just the way she wanted it. The way she needed it. She dug her nails into his biceps as she felt the desire bubble finally burst. It had been over a year since she'd had an actual orgasm. And it felt fantastic. No. Better than fantastic. It was…of the charts.

"Wow," she breathed as she lay there, her body limp and satisfied. "Just…wow."

A slow grin stretched across his lips as he brushed her damp hair off her face. "Still want to have that melt down over a little snow and ice?"

"It's not a little snow and ice! And yes, at some point I want to have my melt down because…." He cut her off with a kiss. A nice reminder that worrying would just get in the way of all the other fun things they could be doing.

"Know what I think? I think we should just enjoy whatever time we have here. When we get back to the real world there will be plenty of time to worry about rent and smoothing things over with the boss man. Besides, you're going to call Webber right? Tell him you're going to take that job?" She nodded, letting him roll her onto her side so that they lay face to face. "See. Nothing to worry about. If Feltman…"

"Fieldman," she corrected with a faint smile.

"If Fieldman," Alex repeated, "is too stupid to let ya hang around for the rest of your internship you know Webber would let you finish at Seattle Grace-Mercy West."

Actually, she didn't know that but she wasn't going to argue that point with Alex. Some things were just not worth arguing about. This was one of them. Better to just change the subject. "Do you think Meredith has told everyone by now?"

"Probably not. You know Mere. She tends to keep her mouth shut. Unless you want me to text her and ask her to blab. Sorta pave the way. Get everyone use to the idea."

Izzie mulled the idea over for a bit, weighing her options. Part of her wanted to just surprise everyone. To just show up and shock the crap out of them all. Most of her wanted the shock to have worn off by the time she got there. "Text her," she urged, rising up on an elbow. "Text her and tell her to just sing like a bird."

"Seriously? You want Meredith to be the one to tell people we got remarried?" She nodded. He might have been joking but she wasn't. It made perfect sense in her book to have Meredith prepare everyone. Maybe it was a cowardly thing to do but she really didn't care. She needed people to at least pretend to be supportive of the decision Alex and she had made. "Iz. You need to relax. Stop stressing over what other people are going to think. It's our life. Either they're happy for us or they're not. Makes no difference to me. The only person whose opinion matters to me is you. As long as you're happy with our decision, as long as you don't regret it, then screw everyone else."

He was right. She knew he was right. It was just a matter of figuring out a way to accept that other people's opinions didn't matter. She would. She would find a way and say screw you to anyone who thought they had rushed into things or made a mistake. "I'm happy with our decision," she assured him, a slow smile stretching across her lips as her hand traveled south and her fingers wrapped around the base of his shaft. He was still half hard from their first round of sex. Time to put his "all night" theory to the test. It didn't take much work to fully arouse her husband. Just a few manipulative strokes and squeezes and he was ready to go. Her smile grew even larger as she straddled his lap. With her palms flat against his chest, she rubbed herself across his groin, relishing the tortured groans that escaped his mouth. She didn't make him suffer for long. Teasing him was just as much a self punishment. Reaching between them she guided his penis into her body and moaned in satisfaction. Or was he the one who moaned? She wasn't sure nor did she care. It just felt so good. So right. Closing her eyes she rolled her hips and leaned her upper body down low enough so that she could brush her lips across his. What she had meant to be a quick kiss turned into a longer, hotter one as Alex threaded his fingers into her hair and held her face captive near his. Not that she was complaining. The way Alex kissed, with such assurance and _knowing _was enough to make her come. He'd always had that effect on her. One kiss was all it took to turn her on. One kiss was all it took to make her beg him for more.

"You feel so damn good," he groaned, his fingers sliding from her hair, down her neck, shoulders and sides to her hips. With one smooth move her flipped her on to her back. While she was still surprised by the move, he trailed his fingers down her right leg. He closed his fist around her ankle and stretched her leg up so that her foot rested on his shoulder. A smirk formed on his lips as he used the new position to his advantage and thrust harder. Her eyes drifted closed as she let the sensation of being fully taken wash over her. He made what most people would have thought of as fucking seem special. It wasn't just him using her body, or her using his. It was the two of them physically expressing their love. She knew how cornball that would sound if she said the words aloud, so she kept the thought to herself and focused on the painful wave of pleasure that rippled through her uterus as he slammed against her tender cervix. Her body would probably hurt afterward but that was what the whirlpool tub was for. Why else rent a suite with a free standing Jacuzzi tub big enough for four?

"My body hurts in places I didn't know it could hurt," Izzie moaned a good twenty minutes later. One leg on the shoulder had led to the other leg. Once upon a time she had been limber enough to thoroughly enjoy the positions but slacking off on her yoga and forgoing jogs had taken their toll. She was out of shape. She had a feeling Alex would help get her back on track. If not in the gym then in the bedroom.

"You're a doctor. You're suppose to know all the various body parts and what can go wrong with them." The laughter on Alex's lips was muffled by the pillow she whacked him with. It was easy for him to laugh. The muscles in his inner thighs weren't burning. Nor was his back protesting the angle it had been forced into. "Oh come on. I was just teasing."

"Ha ha. You think you're just so funny. Let's see you get practically bent in half and not have your body hurt." As soon as the words left her mouth she realized how idiotic she sounded. He'd been a Champion Wrestler. Of course at some point his body had been practically bent in half. Probably on more than one occasion. "Don't. Don't say it. Just…don't."

"Wasn't going to. Too easy." Alex laughed, shaking his head. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and padded towards the whirlpool tub. A moment later the sound of running water filled the room. "How about I make it up to you? Wash your back?"

"No funny stuff," she warned as she tentatively walked over to where he stood. As much as she was mentally willing to go another round she wasn't sure her body was. Not with as rough as he had gotten that last time.

"No funny stuff," he assured her. Holding out his hand he helped her step into the slightly sunken tub. Once she was settled he joined her. He gently maneuvered her body so that she reclined between his legs, her head resting against his shoulder. The heat from the water slowly relaxed her muscles and eased the leftover tension from her body. As she intertwined her fingers with those of her husband all Izzie could think about was how right it all felt. Not just the sex but them. They were right for one another. And so what if other people didn't approve or understand? They weren't Alex and Izzie. A smile brightened her face as she realized that she had reached the point of not caring what others thought. It was nice place to be. Not as nice as Alex's arms but a nice place to be none the less.


	10. Chapter 10

Author's Note: That last chapter was a little on the hawt side, if I do say so myself. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. To clarify things before any confusion can occur, this chapter takes place once they are back in Seattle. I thought about writing the drive back but…eh…you can only write so much drive time, you know? What happens once they are home is much more interesting! There are people to see, explanations to be made, and hearts to be broken. Starting in this chapter. Please don't read anything into the interaction that occurs in this chapter. It is quite literally just a hurt woman blowing up and a guy feeling bad because he doesn't like the man he has been. The next chapter is going to be so much better! I promise! Just get through this one! I do end on a nice note though! And I am sorry if this chapter seems kinda all over the place. I wanted to resolve the major conflict right off. I think I accomplished that.

Chapter Ten

_We have no right to express an opinion until we know all the answers - Kurt Cobain_

A warm blast of air assaulted Alex as he strode through the automatic doors of Seattle Grace-Mercy West's main entrance. The confidence in his steps warred with the unease that twisted in his stomach. Nine days had passed since he'd last been there. Less than two weeks. Yet it felt like a lifetime. He chalked that up to so many life-altering moments occurring during those nine days. Burying his father. Finding out his teenage sister was having a baby. Learning that his mother was even crazier than he thought. And then there had been reconnecting with Izzie. Somewhere between Seattle and Cedar Rapids he had admitted to himself that he had never stopped loving her and living life without her just wasn't worth living. Having her by his side as he dealt with all the crap his father's death had thrust upon him had opened his eyes to how much she still loved him. And that was what had given him the courage to ask her to marry him. It hadn't been her stripping naked or the sex that followed. It had been all the times she held his hand or told him he had the right to be pissed that his bastard of a father had died.

"I heard the most interesting bit of news. Actually, two interesting bits of news." Cristina sidled up next to him, a smug curve to her lips as she waited for him to take the bait. He didn't bite. Whatever she was digging for she would have to just put it out there on her own. "Come on Karev. You know how this game works. You're are suppose to ask me what I know so I can taunt you a little more before finally telling you the gossip that's going around about you!"

"Yang, I just spent thirty-six hours in a car. Half of them driving. I'm not in the mood for games." He fought back a yawn but finally let his mouth round into it. Maybe it would add credibility to his story. Not than he needed any. He really had been in a car for thirty-six hours. And he really had driven at least half of them, if not a little more.

"Yeah. I heard your _wife _drove the other half." The emphasis she put on wife made it clear that she had heard about the marriage. Probably via Meredith. No big surprise there. He had known she would at least tell Shepherd and Yang. Since Izzie had text her telling her to just go ahead and spread the word she had probably done just that. Hell, most of the hospital probably knew. He let out a sigh and muttered a curse under his breath. Maybe he should have used another personal day. "Also heard that you were naked with Dr. Fields before you disappeared to Iowa. Which reminds me, there are at least five reasons why you went to frolic in the corn. Three are total bull shit but the other two are half-way credible. Want to clear the air, Karev? Tell me what the hell is going on because quite frankly being your friend right now is giving me a headache."

It was her use of the word friend that made him cave. Before he could stop himself it all came toppling out. The horrible sex with Lucy that he wished hadn't happened; how on a scale of one to ten she was maybe a four. His sister calling to tell him their father had died. Texting Izzie with the news and her showing up at Joe's when he didn't respond to the text she sent back. His sister getting knocked up by some punk kid who disappeared. His mother's refusal to take her medications and threats to hurt herself. Then, last but not least, he told her he'd never stopped loving Izzie and would probably die loving her so why not give it another try? Didn't they owe it to themselves to give marriage a real try?

"When I asked if you wanted to clear the air I wasn't asking for a tell all." Shaking her head, Cristina reached forward to push the up button for the elevator. She shot him an unreadable look from the corner of her eye. "I could have done without the whole Dr. Fields is a lousy lay who doesn't shave her legs bit you know. There are some things that should not be shared and that is one of them."

"Whatever," he muttered. He couldn't say anything else because she was right. He had shared way more than he should have. It wasn't fair to tell people that Lucy kept her legs furry or that she was awful in the sack. He had probably crossed a line telling Cristina those things. A niggle of regret tickled his conscious. Just as quickly as it came it left. He hadn't told a room full of people, he had confided in a friend. Had set the record straight so to speak, about the rumors floating around.

"So…sucks about your dad." The careful way Cristina spoke the words made Alex look at her in a different light. She always seemed so aloof. So…cold. Definitely not a person that was pegged as the sympathetic type. Yet, the way she said it sucked that his dad had died was full of empathy; as though she knew what it was like to lose a parent. "Mine died when I was nine so I guess I've had longer to adjust."

"You probably loved your's," he muttered, leaning against the back of the elevator. Thankfully it was just them. "Mine was a real bastard."

"He was still your dad," Cristina murmured before crossing her arms and watching the numbers light up as they rose to the third floor. "You better treat her right this time," she said as the doors slid open and she stepped off.

A short time later he followed, only to wish he hadn't. As though she were waiting on him, Lucy stood next to the locker room door, her arms crossed and a sour look on her face. Her blue eyes narrowed as she caught sight of him. Great. He wasn't even back at work for fifteen minutes and the woman he'd scorned was laying in wait, ready to rip him a new one. It was probably better this way. Get it over with, so to speak. Inhaling deeply, he squared his shoulders and made his way toward the locker room. Did he speak to her or ignore her? Shit. This was harder than he thought. Not sure what to do he muttered a good morning before shoving open the door. He didn't have to look over his shoulder to know she had followed him into the crowded room. Turning around, he faced her, a scowl on his face. "Alright. Go for it. Say whatever it is you're going to say so I can get ready for my shift."

"You're an asshole," she hissed. "A selfish, arrogant asshole! I don't know why I ever thought…why I let you…you're just…Argh! We were friends Alex! Friends! Friends don't do what you did. They don't…they don't use the other person and then just disappear. They don't lie. And they sure as hell don't have their roommate do their dirty work! Do you know what it was like to have Meredith tell me I was a lousy one night stand? Not just a one night stand but a lousy one!" Her eyes glimmered with unshed tears. Shit. She was right. He should have just been a man and told her he had used her himself instead of leaving Meredith to do his dirty work for him. And he definitely shouldn't have told Meredith she was lousy. "On top of that, you lied to me! You told me you were leaving because of your sister, not because your dad died!"

"My dad was an ass. We weren't exactly close. I went to the funeral for my sister. Nobody else." It was the only explanation she was going to get out of him because quite frankly the way he looked at she didn't deserve one. She wasn't anything to him. A former acquaintance he had shagged.

"Oh? Is that why you're ex-wife went too? For your little sister?" The sarcasm that dripped from her tongue was almost comical. "Oh. Wait. That's right. She's now you're wife again. Gotta hand it to you, you work fast! I'm guessing she wasn't a lousy lay!" Her lips pressed together and she let out a huff of air. "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. My beef isn't with her. And I'm sorry your dad died. I just…why the hell couldn't you be honest! You're overly honest most of the time anyways, so why hold back now?"

"I don't know," he admitted before moving on to his locker. He wasn't in the mood to come up with half-ass answers to her desperate questions. This was why he preferred strange women he didn't have to see again. They didn't follow him around with tears in their eyes wanting to know why.

"You don't know? That's it? You don't know?" The shrillness of her voice made him want to clap his hands over his ears. "What the hell kind of answer is that? You don't know. Grow up Alex. Be a man."

"Fine. You want the truth? The truth is, even if my sister hadn't called I would have still bailed because you were nothing but a piece of ass. Some one to distract me from the fact that I told the only woman I have ever loved to stay out of my life. The fact that my sister called when she did gave me a built in excuse to leave." There. He had said it. He had gave her what she wanted: the truth. It wasn't pretty. It wasn't packaged nicely. But then how could he package it up prettily? He couldn't. Truths like the ones Lucy wanted were painful. "Look, I'm sorry, you got hurt but come on, what did you expect?"

"I don't know," she whispered, her cheeks turning a bright cherry red as she realized they had attracted the attention of every single person in the locker room. "I guess I thought because we were friends…"

Shit. There it was again. That friend word. Where the hell had all these "friends" been before his father's death? He sure as hell hadn't realized he had them. His mind worked over time, looking for the right to say, but came up with nothing. There wasn't anything nice to say about the situation. Nor was there anything that could make things just a little bit okay. How he had treated Lucy had been awful. It ranked up there with some of the things his father had done. Shit. Shit. Shit! The last ten years of his life flashed before his eyes. What he seen wasn't pretty. It was all to familiar. He hadn't been a drug addict or physically abusive, but he sure as hell had been like his father in every other way. Muttering a few curse words under his breath, he turned his attention toward changing into his scrubs. He knew giving Lucy the cold shoulder while she stood there confused, angry, and crying was cruel. It was another jackass thing to do that yet again reminded him just how like his father he was.

"She's a bitch." Cristina murmured from his left side. On his right, Meredith added her agreement. They were probably right but damn it, it didn't make what he had done right. "Don't let her get to you. She isn't worth it."

"I'm not letting her get to me so let's just drop it." Smoothing down his scrub top, Alex shot them each a scowl. He didn't need them trying to make him feel better. He was a big boy. So his dad had died. Big deal. So some girl he had fucked couldn't handle being just a one night stand. So what. He hated how everyone was staring at him, like they expected him to do something. Well they were going to be disappointed. He wasn't going to go off and he wasn't going to break down. Or whatever else they were waiting for. "Don't know about you guys, but I don't want to be late for rounds." He slammed his locker shut and stomped toward the locker room door.

The looks and whispers seemed to follow him. All through rounds and right into his first appointment. By lunch he had had enough. Didn't anyone have better things to do than talk about him? "Fucking ridiculous," he snapped, a scowl as dark as his mood marring his face, as he angrily shoved quarters into a vending machine. He'd overheard some nurse telling another one that he had slept with Dr. Fields as part of some bet with Dr. Sloan. Where the hell did they get this shit? Not from reality that was for sure. Next time he heard some off the wall bull shit he was going to call them on it.

"I'm sorry," Lucy bit out from behind him. His scowl grew even darker. Great. He didn't want or need another round with her. Was she really that much of a glutton for punishment? "I shouldn't have made what happened between us a public spectacle. It was childish and uncalled for. I knew the score before I ever invited you home. I guess I'm more angry at myself than you. I thought I could be that girl…you know the one that can have meaningless sex and toss the guy out in the morning. I'm not her. I don't want to be her. Just kinda sucks that you were the guy I figured that out with. So…I am sorry I took my anger out on you. I'm not angry at you. I'm angry at me. So at the risk of repeating myself for the hundredth time I am sorry."

"Whatever. We're both sorry." His attention turned back to the candy bar that had dropped down. Snickers was probably not a great lunch but he wasn't in the mood to deal with the cafeteria and he had forgotten the lunch Izzie had made him. Izzie. Just thinking about her brought a small smile to his face.

"Right. We're both sorry. Which is good because we work together and I don't want things to be weird." Her voice cracked a little, alerting him to the fact that things were definitely weird.

"Look, this right here…this whole thing you're doing…is what's making things weird. You don't want to be that girl. Fine. You're not that girl. So chalk it up to a lesson learned and move on."

"And there he is, the asshole I know and love." The drawl of Izzie's voice breaking through the tension swallowing him and Lucy startled him into dropping the candy bar he had just retrieved from the bottom of the vending machine. "So…you're Lucy." The odd fascination in his wife's voice scared him. He knew Izzie almost as well as he knew himself and he knew when she felt someone she loved was being wrong she went off like a bomb.

"And you're Izzie," Lucy countered. Like Izzie, there was some underlying curiosity in her voice that had him wanting to run for the hills. He did not want his wife and a former one night stand talking. Period. They needed to just not…talk. "I met you right before you started chemo. I helped with your egg harvest."

"If you're fishing for a thank you, you're fishing from the wrong pond. And if you're trying to distract me from the fact that I just had about five of my former interns tell me that you basically waylaid my husband in the locker room, well, I'm not easily distracted." The saccharine sarcasm dripping from Izzie's tongue brought a slight smirk to Alex's lips. There was nothing more fun to watch than a pissed off Izzie. And boy did she look pissed. "I get that your feelings are hurt and you hate him for using you but Jesus, his father just died! Haven't you ever heard of cutting someone some slack?" He wanted to applaud her but stopped himself when she swung her anger toward him. "And you! Don't think that just because I'm standing up for you that you're not in trouble!"

Him? He was in trouble? What the hell! He wasn't the one who had gone postal. He wasn't the one who had basically emotionally embarrassed himself in front of half the interns on their rotation. "Did you tell people what I was like in bed?" Izzie demanded, her arms crossed. "Did you rate me based on my performance?" Ah hell. She had talked to Cristina. That was probably why she was there. "Seriously Alex! That is just so…so…not nice! You can't just…you just can't okay? Even if you want to, even if you keep track of that sort of thing in your head, you don't tell people!"

Okay. So he had that one coming. "Good thing I'm off the market," he reminded, hoping he would get points for being proud of their new marital status. It worked. Izzie's face softened a bit and she let out a sigh. "And in case Cristina failed to mention it, I apologized for my behavior." Man he felt like a little kid talking to his teacher. Hm. Maybe they could do something with that scenario later. The bad boy who needed to be punished by his super hot but strict teacher. Yeah, that could be fun!

"She mentioned it," Izzie admitted reluctantly. She pushed her fingers into her hair and muttered something he didn't understand. "Is this how it is going to be if I come back here? Am I going to have to worry about someone else you've…" The words trailed off as sadness shadowed her eyes. Shit. He wanted to reassure her, to tell her that there weren't others but he couldn't.

"I probably shouldn't be butting in but you don't have to worry about me," Lucy interjected. "I'm not usually so…that girl who blew up at him…that wasn't me. I mean it was but I'm not usually like that. I just…things are so messed up in my life right now. I wasn't mad at Alex. More like I was mad at me. For using him. I wanted…I needed…" Her shoulders slumped and she let out a resigned sigh. "I was dating this guy, okay? I thought things were good until he dumped me. Which sucked. What sucked even more was having him tell me one of the reasons he dumped me was because I'm boring. In bed. Out of bed. Just boring. I wanted to prove him wrong. Instead, I proved him right."

"It isn't you," Alex muttered, glancing at Izzie to see how far he could go in trying to make Lucy feel better. Her face was unreadable; which made him a little uneasy. "I'm sure you're probably great in the sack but…I'm ruined. Izzie ruined me. I can try to be with other people but it just doesn't work. They're never her." The slight nod Lucy gave was the only response he got. She shifted from one foot to the other, licked her lips, and then muttered something about checking on a patient. He barely noticed her leaving. His focus was on his wife. His breath caught in his chest as she leaned against the wall and slid to the floor. Dismay filled him as a lone tear trickled down her cheek. "Iz," he started, only to stop when she shook her head.

"We wasted so much time," she whispered, drawing her knees up to her chest. A lock of her hair fell across one eye, only to be blown out of the way a moment later as she let out a whoosh of air. "I can't be mad at you for hurting her or any of the others. Its just as much my fault. If I hadn't left…"

He tuned her out, hating that she was trying to shoulder some of his guilt. As he listened to her if only's it occurred to him that they couldn't change what had happened in the past. They couldn't change something that had happened but they could make sure it didn't happen again. The future was before them. It was fresh. It was clean. It was their's for the taking. All they had to do was let go. "We can't sit around talking about if only's or dwelling on things we can't change. We screwed up. We know that now. Which means it won't happen again. We know how much we stand to lose." He crouched in front of her and brushed a few stray strands of hair off her cheek. "I love you and damn but it feels good to look at you and say that again."

A smile brightened her face as she leaned forward enough to brush a kiss across his lips. "I love you too," she laughed. Another sigh crossed her lips, this time a more relaxed, content one that reassured him she got what he was saying. "So, aren't you going to ask me why I'm here?"

"Nope." Standing up, he held out his hand. As her fingers entwined with his a jolt of electricity shot up his arm. He yanked her against him and rubbed his nose across her's.

"You're not the least bit curious?"

"Oh I'm curious, but I know you. You can't keep things to yourself. Any minute now you're going to tell me why you're here." The scowl on her face told him he was right. He bit back a chuckle. He wasn't going to upset her anymore than she already had been. "Okay. Fine. Dr. Stevens why are you here instead of at Seattle Presbyterian?"

"I am here, Dr. Karev, to inquire about transferring back. You see, I just got married and my husband works here. I would like to be closer to him. You know, so we can sneak off to linen closets in between surgeries and stuff." The wiggling of her eyes suggested she wouldn't mind testing that theory out. He was more than willing to oblige but first he wanted to know if Webber had hired her back. He didn't have to wonder for long. She was more than happy to ramble on about Webber welcoming her back with open arms and, yes, she had already signed a contract that secured the position he had offered her in PEDS.

"Well, I guess now that you're back, there is only one thing to do," he murmured, his mouth close to her ear.

"Hm, and what's that Dr. Karev," she breathed, looping her arms around his neck.

"Find a linen closet!"


	11. Chapter 11

Author's Note: As you might have guessed it from the last chapter, things are starting to wrap up with this story. I don't want you to worry though. I have another one lined up. The title will be Underfoot and the premise is one you will enjoy! It involves a scorned ex-lover, a little switch-a-roo, two adorable babies, and some match making lesbians, as well as our favorite couple! Now if a teaser like that doesn't intrigue you I don't know what will! In the meantime, back to our story at hand! Which is so bittersweet. I know you were hoping for more but sadly there isn't any more to tell of this story! I think I do a good job of wrapping up everything in this final chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed the ride!

Chapter Eleven

_I love being married! It is so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life! Rita Rhudner _

Forty years old. As a child forty years old had seemed ancient. Even in her early twenties Izzie had looked at the big four oh with a bit of dread. It meant leaving behind whatever it was that made the twenties so fabulous, and accepting that she didn't accomplish everything she wanted to accomplish in her thirties. Then it happened. Cancer. Funny how something like that changed a person's perspective on things. Funny how it made turning forty seem like an accomplishment. Funny how it made her appreciate life more. At first she hadn't looked at it that way. She had been too wrapped up in trying to gather up the pieces of her old life to think about building a newer, better one. It had taken leaving her husband and working with children who probably wouldn't live to be ten, let alone forty, for her to open her eyes. Now she looked at birthdays, even the big four oh, as a reason to celebrate. And boy did she celebrate!

It started the first year she was back at Seattle Grace. Her friends had welcomed her "home" with open arms and party planning hearts. She was still a bit stunned at how over zealous Cristina was when it came to making birthdays special. Her friend took the events seriously and put as much into them as she did a quadruple bypass. The first one had been held at Derek's lake. A quiet barbeque celebrating her return and her twenty-ninth birthday all in one. The second and third were pretty much the same. Things didn't get out of hand until her thirty-second birthday. She was seven months pregnant at the time and someone, Cristina if memory served correctly, thought it would be great to make a cast of her stomach. After it dried, they wrote notes to Kensington, letting her know how special she was. Izzie wasn't sure her friends could top something like that but they proved her wrong. When her thirty-sixth birthday rolled around and she was stuck on bed rest, because her second pregnancy was considered high risk ,they decorated her bedroom, brought in cupcakes, and watched chick flicks. Sure they had banned Alex and all other males from that one, but it was definitely one of Izzie's most memorable ones. Her friends had rallied around her, reminding her that she wasn't as alone as she felt.

And now, at the age of forty, they had done it again. They had rallied around her, coming together to celebrate her "life." That was what her birthday had come to mean to her: life. What a life it was! Two kids that never ceased to amaze her and a husband that could still rock her world! Life was good. It was real. It was nothing like the lie she had lived that year Alex and she had been apart. Just thinking about that time hurt. It also scared her. How close she had come to living a life without Alex, Kensington, and Gregory. It was unimaginable! Almost as unimaginable as forty had seemed at the age of ten, she mused as she slid her feet into a pair of black Jimmy Choo sling backs that made her legs look even longer. She paused near the full length mirror that stood in the corner of her bedroom. A smile stretched across her lips. Forty or not she still looked damn good!

"Mommy!" Gregory's over excited voice echoed in the upper hall as he clamored through the doorway, his hazel eyes wide and bright. Her little Alex. Amazing how much he looked like his father. Right down to the dimple in his left cheek. "Aunt Kissy-tina says you need to hurry or else."

Or else! Pish. Izzie knew better. The years had turned Cristina into a big ball of mush. Or maybe all various off spring of her friends had done that. Owen and Cristina had never had any children of their own, they maintained it was by choice, and thought it was their job to spoil the Karev, Shepherd, and sometimes Sloan children. Once she had admitted that Kensington was her favorite but had sworn to deny it if Izzie ever said anything. Izzie didn't blame her. There was something special about her daughter. It wasn't her pretty blonde curls or her big hazel eyes. Nor was it her deceptively sweet smile. No, there was just something extra and unseen that made Kensington extraordinary. Gregory had it too. Alex liked to tease her and say their kids were so special because they had had time to marinate in a Petri dish.

"Mommy! She use her mean face. The Dr Evil face! She serious!" Everything with Gregory had an exclamation point. He was born that way. Excited about life and out to live it. Something the three year old had in common with his mother.

"I'm coming!" Izzie laughed, ruffling her son's dark hair. She held out her hand and felt her heart melt when the tiny fingers wrapped around her's. A lump of emotion formed in her throat as she let her little man lead her down the stairs and into a swarm of friends hell bent on helping her celebrate her birthday. She felt her eyes start to sting as her friends and family blasted her with birthday wishes. It was her husband and daughter carrying out a large sheet cake loaded with forty candles that brought on the surge of tears though. Life didn't get much better than this!


End file.
